Chapter 5 | "I've Decided" | Remake our Life!
Part 1
My memories have been
incomplete since I came to this world.
I talked with Tsurayuki on the
hill, then we parted, and without remembering anything from that point on, I
found myself transported to the world of 2018.
I don't know how I was making
the game. I remembered making the game with the members of Share House
Kitayama. But that wasn't all, there must have been someone who navigated me. Sensei?
No, wrong. Kiryu-san... it's also wrong.
"Well, this is that, I think
it's about time."
Tomioka Keiko. Also known
as Keiko-san. She is a mysterious young woman who is a master of game
production and speaks with an egregious Kansai dialect. She is the person who
supported us in making our doujin game, from start to finish.
I wondered how this powerful
presence had slipped my memory, but with one certainty, I was beginning to
figure out why.
"Um, Keiko-san, you're"
I was about to say something,
"Whoops, stop stop"
She panicked and stopped me,
"Don't ask me about that
now. You'll understand it over time."
It was easily guarded.
"Well, now"
Keiko-san spoke again, cutting
off my words,
"You already know, don't
you? It's about time."
"Yes, I understand...
maybe."
She didn't say anything
specific, but I could imagine that this was probably the case.
It's about time... for me to
finish this world I'm in, and to understand why I flew from the world of 2007 to
the world of 2018.
And that the key is probably in
the hands of senpai in front of me, who only looks like a little girl.
"You want to go back,
right"
That one word she said summed
it all up.
I wanted to go back to the
world where they were in 2007. After parting with Kawasegawa, I kept thinking
about it.
"Nonetheless"
Keiko-san's face suddenly
became serious.
Then she began to talk to me,
trying to remind me.
"Aren’t you so blessed
right now? You work as a skilled worker at a medium-sized game maker, everyone
trusts you, and you have a very cute wife and daughter waiting for you when you
get home. Nothing to complain about, it's a picture of happiness."
With her back to me, she looks
up at the sky as the plane flies high into the sky.
I could see the pure white
aircraft glistening in the sunlight.
"Even if you choose to
live in this world as it is, no one will blame you. Or rather, you're probably
thinking, "Why should I choose anything else"."
Keiko-san remained still and
looked down.
"But when you go back to the
former world, of course, all of this will disappear. Your irreplaceable family,
your satisfying job, your friends, everything."
She turned around. I'd never
seen anything like it before, no...
That, there was the same
intense look in her eyes that I hadn't seen since the day I parted ways with Tsurayuki.
"Are you willing to throw
all this happiness away to go back in time, boy?"
Coming to the future has taught me a lot. I learned how selfish, arrogant, and ignorant I was. I also learned that there were people who needed me for a long time.
"..........."
Another strong wind blew, and
the humid air of the sea enveloped the area. The heat clung to me and I could
feel the sweat running down my skin.
Suddenly, I remembered.
When I was in Osaka, the area
where the university was located had a drastic difference in temperature.
Winters were so cold. In summer, it was hot. We had no air conditioning, but we
had a lot of fun... that was my daily life.
"I... I am"
The story with him and the
girls continues. If only I had been more confident in my actions. If only I had
realized the kindness of Kawasegawa, known how everyone felt, and talked more
instead of carrying everything on my shoulders alone.
"I... I didn't go back in
time because I wanted to be happy."
I wanted to make something.
Keep choosing to run away, the
thoughts of the past that I dyingly wished for in regret.
It's not the time to flirt with
someone, or to cheat and become a hero.
I just wished that,
"I want to be troubled. I want to be in pain. I want to despair. I want to be driven to the point where I can't think about anything else. With everyone... If I can do that with them, that's more than a happy future, that's what I want."
I enjoyed the production.
Even though we bumped into each
other, even though we fought, and even though there was a big parting ahead of
us. But I still wanted to create. I wanted to be with him, her, and everyone at
the place where we made things.
"I... with everyone"
Tears spilled out of my eyes. I
had been able to hold back earlier, but I couldn't take it anymore.
I could picture Tsurayuki's beaming
smile.
Nanako's cheerful smile came to
mind.
And then there was Shinoaki's
welcoming smile.
As one thought came to mind
after another, something burst out in me.
"I want to go back, I-I...
want to go back, to that time, with everyone... at the time I was with
everyone... I want to go back !!"
Like a child begging for
something with tears streaming down my nose and eyes, I hung on to Keiko-san
and begged her madly.
I'm not going to say that
everything will be fine just because I start over. Rather, I think I will
continue to make big mistakes. There will be times when I lose my way.
Even so, I wanted to go back. I wanted to spend time with everyone and grow up.
For a while, I was holding on
to her and crying. Keiko-san gently patted my head and stayed like that.
It must have looked quite
strange to others. A grown man crying over a cute little girl.
But... I couldn't stop. The
combination of what I had been carrying and the strong feelings I had finally
regained had drained me of all other emotions.
"……I am sorry"
I finally stopped crying,
apologized and raised my face.
Keiko's expression was so gentle......
that it almost made me cry again.
"That's a good look"
I stood on the bench,
"All right, let's go"
Quickly, I held up my hand.
She tried to shake her hand, but
I stopped her in a panic.
"Wawawa, stop stop!"
"What's wrong, after this
far, do you miss this world?"
I don’t.
There are so many people I love
in this world. In the past few months alone, I've come into contact with so many
different people.
――So at least.
"There's someone I want to
say goodbye to."
Because I had someone special.
I wanted to say goodbye to
those people.
She still looks like a little
girl, she said to me as she squeezed me,
"...Right, go ahead, then."
She smiled gently, like a
mother seeing her child off,
"Once you're done, it's
time to say goodbye to this world."
Then she mumbled, "See you
later," and walked away.
The sound of the plane taking off echoed loudly in the back of my head.
The sun's strong rays were
searing my head. The high humidity was making my body sweat, but strangely
enough, I didn't feel uncomfortable.
I looked up firmly and started
walking with my back to the blue sky.
Part 2
By the time I boarded the train
and returned to the city center, it was almost evening.
I didn't stop at the office,
but went straight home. I wanted to see all the staff I had spent some time
with, but I limited myself to those I really wanted to see.
I got off the train at Noborito
station and walked straight to my apartment from there.
Looking back, it was only a few
months ago that this place became "my home".
But when I came to this place,
I felt at ease. The person I love has always been here, and the child I had
with her has always been a comfort to me.
"I'm home"
I opened the door with the
greeting I was already used to.
That was the moment.
"Ne~Ne~, Otou-san!
Look at this!"
Maki came running from the back
with a clatter and a loud footstep. And,
"Okaa-san is real――ly good
at drawing!"
She said unbelievable words and
showed me unbelievable things.
"This...... is....... "
A small LCD tablet that seems to have been bought last year for Maki's drawings.
There was an illustration with that touch that I had loved so much.
"Shinoaki's... drawing..."
It was a picture of summer.
A girl in a one-piece dress
against a background of blue sky and sea.
Even the theme seemed to bring
back the image of Shinoaki from that time.
I couldn't believe it at first.
I even wondered if the world had already been warped from here.
That's how hopeless I thought
it would be to see it in this world, but there it was.
"Otou-san, welcome bac... Ah,
Maki has shown it?"
From the back of the room, Shinoaki appeared, wearing an apron.
"Because Okaa-san is so
good at it!"
"Fufu, but you know, your
father sees a lot of people who draw better than that."
Shinoaki laughed and picked
Maki up in her arms.
"What happened... you draw"
I finally spoke up, and that
was the best I was able to say.
"……Yes"
She looked embarrassed, then
smiled as if she'd just been blown away from something,
"I tried to play the game that Kyouya-kun said."
"MysClo?"
Shinoaki nodded,
"Minori Ayaka-san...
wasn't it? I thought her drawings were really nice. So I thought I'd like to
try drawing them."
I felt as if my whole body was
filled with power.
An inexplicable feeling of
excitement went through me from head to toe.
The next thing I knew, I was
hugging them while holding the tablet.
"Eh, what's up Kyouya-kun?"
"Otou-san, what's wrong, Otou-san?"
While they were confused, I
just stayed in that position and cried.
(There is nothing in this world
that is in vain, I am sure)
Kawasegawa's words kept
repeating in my head.
Shinoaki's drawings inspired Minori
Ayaka to become an illustrator, which in turn inspired Shinoaki to draw again.
From the events of the world,
it's probably a trivial matter.
For me, it was an irreplaceable
...... joy.
Part 3
The last day. I spent time with
two of them as I always do.
Put Maki in the bath, playing with her for a little while, and said goodnight to her.
I went to bed with Shinoaki and
gave her a good night kiss.
And.
"It's weird"
We had a long, long talk.
"I hadn't drawn in such a long
time, but the moment I decided I wanted to, I was unable to resist."
The time between seeing Minori Ayaka's
illustration and her drawing it was incredibly short. More than anything, she
was surprised.
"... Really, it was just a
little thing, wasn't it."
I felt the loneliness fade from
Shinoaki's face.
The connection between her and
the drawings was still very important.
"Sorry, Shinoaki"
"It's nothing for Kyouya-kun to apologize for."
Stroking my cheek, Shinoaki
smiles.
And then, taking a deep breath,
"I stopped drawing, but I
had Kyouya-kun and Maki, and I thought that was okay, that each day would come
and go and there would be no problems."
Shinoaki moved closer to me and
continued, "But, you know."
"The feeling of entering
the world while drawing, the joy of getting closer and closer to what is in my
head, and more than anything, the feeling of wanting to draw... Things I had
forgotten suddenly came back to me, that’s very... "
She paused there. There was a
sparkle in the corner of her eye.
"Fun... very much"
"Un Un"
I patted Shinoaki on the head.
I felt as if I was looking at her old self in front of me.
"Next... what are you
going to draw?"
It was what I wanted to hear.
"Well, I want to draw something big. At first, I made the background smaller because I didn't know how it would turn out, but next time I'd like to draw a bigger and bigger place. It could be in nature, or in a building. And girls. I haven't really looked at what kind of girls everyone draws lately, so I'd like to see what other people draw..."
Shinoaki's words never stopped.
One after another, the things she was interested in overflowed out as if they
had been stored up for years.
After talking for a long time,
Shinoaki suddenly came to her senses,
"Ne~e, Kyouya-kun"
She looked up at me, her tone
hesitant,
"I want to draw... a lot
of illustrations again. And when I'm drawing, I think I'm going to be very
...... focused, so about Maki... Fua."
In the middle of talking, I
squeezed Shinoaki into my arms.
Then I say into her ear.
"Don't worry. I will do my
best to support Shinoaki. So..."
I am so happy to be able to say
these words. I thought...... I would
never be able to say again in this world.
"It's okay for Shinoaki to
draw."
I felt Shinoaki nodding
repeatedly in my chest.
"Thank you, Kyouya-kun"
Naturally, we pressed our lips together.
Our lips repeatedly touched,
then parted, then came together again.
Both of us had fallen asleep in
each other's arms.
Part 4
Morning. As soon as we woke up,
we looked at each other and giggled.
Shinoaki turned into a mother's
face, and I turned into a father's face. Then I woke Maki up, and the day began.
We ate breakfast as usual. We
laughed about trivial things.
"I'm off then"
Usual time to leave the house.
I put on my shoes in front of
the door as Shinoaki and Maki saw me off.
"Yes, be careful."
"Otou-san, have a good day!"
As usual, Shinoaki had an
embracing smile.
Maki had a bursting smile on
her face, as usual.
I'm sure they think I'm the same person I've always been.
A salaryman working for a game
production company, went out early in the morning and came back late at night. They
thought that I would come home again today, saying, "I'm home".
But I'll never see them again.
Even if by some twist of fate
we were to meet, it would be a different set of girls.
But I can't just say "goodbye".
That's why,
"I'm off"
I hugged them both again, one
at a time.
"Have a good day"
Shinoaki mumbled a few words
and patted me on the back. She couldn't possibly know the reason why I said
that. But she was as gentle as always.
So I was finally ready to leave
this world.
I opened the door and stepped outside. There were a few tears stinging the edges of my eyes. I didn't want them to see me crying, so I headed straight for the elevator hall without looking back.
The moment the elevator doors
opened,
"I'm here"
It was almost as if she was
setting up a surprise visit, and Keiko-san was waiting there.
"It's much sooner than I
thought."
"That's right. We've got
to do this before you change your mind."
I took the elevator down to the
first floor and started walking without any particular direction.
I asked her what I had been
wondering about anyway.
"Um, Keiko-san. After I
flew back to the original era, this world"
Perhaps she had already predicted
the question, "Am I going to disappear?"
"Don't worry, when you
jump back in time, 30-year-old Hashiba Kyouya, who was originally here, will
come back with shoulder and back pain."
Ahaha, she laughed and replied with a smile.
Don't say anything extra,
really.
There is a small park on the way to the station. It was during commuting time, so it was empty and quiet.
There were two benches lined up at the end of it. A little-used water fountain had been set up, and water was constantly flowing out of it, as if the plug had been broken.
The sound of falling water and
the footsteps of people heading for the station echoed in the air. Only the two
of us stopped, then faced each other.
I took a deep breath. Somehow,
I felt like I wanted to, because I knew I would never breathe the air of this
world again.
It smelled like a mixture of
grass foliage and dry sand.
Keiko-san stared at me and said,
"There's nothing to
regret, is there?"
That was the last confirmation.
" ―― Yes"
I wonder if Shinoaki will
continue to draw illustrations one after another. Will Minori Ayaka be able to
recover? What will Maki do when she grows up? Will everyone on the B team
be able to get along? Will the president start to think about development a
little more? And Kawasegawa... Will she continue her days of fighting again?
I want to know the future of
this world, too.
After all, I want to live in that
future....... I want to live with everyone.
"Okay, let's go"
With that, Keiko-san quickly raised her hand.
Will I finally return to that
past?
I wonder how everyone is doing.
Even though it has been a few months, it felt like a really...... really long
time to me.
"Oh yeah, there were only
two things I needed to tell you."
"Needed... to tell me?"
"Right. First, let's talk
about the skills you have."
Keiko-san smiled and said,
"Ever since you came to
this future, you've always felt like you're being held back by your skills,
like you're a cheat or a fraud. I know the future, so it's a matter of course,
that's what you think, right."
Pon, her hand was placed on my shoulder.
"But you never did
anything really underhanded. You never misused information to trick people or
make money. You only worked on your own, for the good of everyone. That's why
you were able to gain their trust."
"... Is, that so?"
"That's right. That's why
Kawasegawa-chan and Shinoaki-chan were grateful to you. I'm sure it's the same
for Nanako-chan and Tsurayuki-kun."
I thought it was a convenient thing to say, but Kawasegawa, Shinoaki, and everyone I talked to directly said that to me.
I don't know what qualifies as
a ticket back to ten years ago, but if I'm to rely on what Keiko says, it's
probably a good thing that I was the one who used that fortune to make things
right.
"But of course, you are
not a hero. The intruders who suddenly came from somewhere else and disturbed
the future that was supposed to be there. And you already know it's not for
everyone or I'll gonna save them...... or anything like that, right?"
I nodded strongly at Keiko-san's
words.
"I realized how conceited
I really was."
Before I jumped to the future, I had hoped to use my abilities for the benefit of others. I was grateful for that. But when I was interfering with the past, all I was doing was changing the course of events.
"That's why... I'm going
to stop thinking like a hero. I believe in everyone, but most of all I believe
in myself, and I'm going to do it seriously."
Kihihihi, Keiko-san made a
nostalgic laugh.
"Welcome back,
protagonist. It's hell again from here."
Keiko-san moved a little away from me and raised her hand above her head. Perhaps the journey through time will begin when she waves it.
"So, Keiko-san, what's the
other thing."
When she was told, Keiko looked
as if she'd just remembered.
"You're right,
that..."
I was sure I had heard
something. But there, I forgot everything I had heard, even what I had heard.
Instead of being swallowed up
in a whirlpool or surrounded by a plethora of digital clocks, I just lost
consciousness as if I were fast asleep, and then.
――The time flew.
"Nn..."
When I woke up, there was the
ceiling I had missed so much: an eight-mat room with two fluorescent lights,
one of which was blinking repeatedly.
"I'm... back?"
Make sure the arms and legs are
working properly.
I could move my fingertips
properly, and what made me most happy was that my body didn't easily cramp up
even if I bent it in a strange way. When I was in my thirty-year-old body,
it was easy to get a cramp in one part of my body just by moving it a little
weird anyway.
I looked around, but there
didn't seem to be anyone there.
I wondered when this was a room
in a share house in Kitayama. I couldn't even find out without talking to
someone.
"Ah, this is"
I saw the bag of instant
noodles that Shinoaki had brought.
A soft touch on my back. My
feet were wrapped in something warm underneath.
"I see, I hadn't put the
kotatsu away yet."
That would mean at least winter
or around winter.
The moment I tried to sit up,
"Ah, Kyouya! Shinoaki, Kyouya's
awake!"
With a cheerful voice, I heard
a sound coming down the stairs.
She has light brown hair and a
well-shaped face. And large chest.
"Kyouya, are you alright?
I was worried when I saw you lying in front of the house!"
When I saw the worried look on her
face, I almost burst into tears.
"Nanako... I'm home"
"Eh, ah, welcome
back..."
Perhaps it was a word out of
focus, but Nanako's big eyes blinked.
And almost as soon as Nanako
tilted her head,
"Ah, Kyouya-kun! You're
awake!"
Quickly, I saw the other side.
"Shinoaki..."
She had a soft smile and a soft
voice with a mixture of dialects.
Aa~, I'm finally... back.
"And then, Kyouya, it's bad...
Tsurayuki came back just now."
Nanako gave me a tearful look,
"He said... He was quitting the university. He said he talked to Kyouya earlier, and he greeted me and Shinoaki."
"Kyouya-kun, what happened
to... Tsurayuki-kun?"
...... I see. So this is just a
continuation of what happened after.
"Okay. Then...... We're
just getting started"
"Eh?"
"What do you
mean...?"
I sat up,
"I'm going to go outside
for a minute. I'll be right back."
"Ah, yeah..."
"Kyouya-kun will be back,
right?"
I said to the two anxious
people, making a vow.
"Don't worry. I'm... not
going anywhere."
I smiled and opened the old,
nostalgic door and stepped outside.
It was a beautiful day outside.
The sky that had suddenly clouded over that day was not there.
In the midst of the blue, a
white line runs right across.
I followed the trail with my
eyes as it disappeared into the eastern sky and started walking.
The May breeze was still a
little chilly, and sometimes my body shivered.
But I didn't crouch or dodge
the wind, I just walked.
I walked up the hill. This was
the doorstep of the place where I had parted with Tsurayuki. I walked
straight through the side of the residential area and through the park, not
changing my pace.
The asphalt road soon turned
into a dirt road and the mountains loomed in front of me.
Still, I kept walking.
Eventually, the road came to a
dead end. Out of breath, I put my hand on a telegraph pole to catch my breath.
I took a deep breath, wiped off the sweat, and turned around to look at the
path I had taken.
I didn't mean to do anything.
I just wanted to walk and step
on it and confirm it.
"I'll do it from
here."
I mumbled to no one in
particular and clenched my fists tightly.
I was trying to take
responsibility for other people's lives. That's why I felt so despairing about
the future.
That's because I knew their
true future, and my involvement ruined it.
But it's not other people who determine the value of your life. It's you. In that future, they made their own choices and created their own lives. Even if my intentions or actions intervened in that. But to look at them from the outside and say that they were unhappy or no good was clearly arrogant behavior.
Kawasegawa's words finally made
me realize that. The affirmation of life was not only for me, but for everyone
who was there at that time.
So I don't regret it anymore.
I'm not always right. I am not on the side of justice, nor am I a hero. Let's
engrave that in my mind and body, and go after what I want.
Don't feel like somehow
managing it. Push myself to the very limit, and seriously confront the answer
that comes out of it.
I want to make something. I
want to make something, and that's why I went back ten years ago.
It's not a cheat ability that I
took with me into the past. It's the passion that I'll never get back.
"Have a good day"
I thought I heard Shinoaki's
voice at that time from the other side of the sky.
I could feel the dirt on my shoes, brush it, and finally get the feeling of walking.
――I was finally able to feel it.
――That, this is the beginning of our remake.
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