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Chapter 20 Part 1
The
next day, I paced back and forth in my room, unable to calm down. I even bit my
lip until it felt like it was bleeding. I frowned and pondered, would it be the
right choice if I went to Alexander's room today?
The
contents of the diary I read were only the beginning. I know there's still a
lot of writing in his diary because I leafed through it before putting it back
in the drawer.
Claude
who went out yesterday hasn't come back. He said the way back was blocked by
heavy snow which had started to fall again after yesterday's lunch hour. He
sent someone to tell him that he planned to stay at the inn for a day or two.
He said because he had come all the way here, so he wanted to meet the workers
who were on vacation.
Anyway,
I don't know when Claude's co-investigator will arrive if this heavy snow
continues. It's not easy to face many people.
Knock,
knock, knock.
Can
you guess who it was that knocked on the door? I didn't laugh and hardened my
expression. It's Alexander. It's still hard for me to see his face. Yesterday I
even skipped dinner.
"......Sister?
Are you in there?"
I
didn't answer right away when Alexander asked.
Would
he find it weird if I pretended not to be here? I patted my cheeks to calm
myself down and opened the door.
"Alex."
I
greeted him with a gentle smile as if this was no different from any other day.
As soon as he saw my face, Alexander who saw me smile immediately narrowed his
eyes and let out a "Hmm." Then he shook his head and smiled at me.
"Sister,
you woke up really early today."
"......Yes?
It's like always."
"Is
that true?"
Alexander
was wearing a black coat as if he had been preparing to go out since early
morning. I looked at him confused, so far I'd only ever seen him in a shirt and
vest, as well as his practice clothes. I lowered my head and stared at his
chest, where my eyes fell.
"It
says the knights are gathering and doing snow removal work. I have no other
plans today so I want to go there."
"......Is
that so? Then, be careful. Don't catch a cold."
I
said worriedly. It was because the coat he was wearing right now was very thin.
"If
when I go out, I feel cold. I'll change into a thick coat."
After
that Alexander says he will go. I took his hand and pulled on the scarf he was
wearing.
"Sister?"
"Go
together. I want to walk you to the front door."
When
I took the first step, I held his hand, Alexander smiled brightly. Back then,
the smiling face didn't suit him at all, but now it felt natural. It felt like
a big dog wagging its tail.
"It's
not very cold today. I think I'll go in this coat anyway."
As
soon as he came out of the terrace, Alexander looked up at the sky and
muttered,
"We
don't know when it will snow again. Even so, I'm going anyway."
It
was impossible to use the carriage now, so he left on horseback. I saw
Alexander leaving with some of his servants and knights. For Alexander the
weather today was fine, but not for me. Even though I only stood outside for a
while, I could feel the chill.
I
sneezed, and immediately returned to the Manor. Naturally, my footsteps went
toward Alexander's room. He said he wasn't cold, so he wouldn't be back to
change his coat.
But
as I reached for the doorknob it seemed I was out of luck. The door is locked.
Could
it be that he noticed that I entered his room? Or maybe Alexander always locked
the door every time he left?
I
don't know because I never tried to sneak into his room. I can't cash out the
keyhole like I did when I stole the Annual Revenue Book from the Duke's
Office.... ...I kept looking at the doorknob and pondering.
But
then...
There
is a big shadow. There shouldn't be anyone here. I didn't even hear his voice
as I climbed the stairs. I bit my lip.
"Don't
do that. Your lip is already injured."
The
cold body temperature trapped my hand holding the door knob. Alexander wrapped
his arms around me and rummaged through his coat pocket. I couldn't do
anything, I just froze, unable to move.
Even
when he touched my other hand and gave me the key.
"You
ever used a key?"
Alexander
tilted his head. He took my hand and stuck the key in the lock. The key that
was already in the lock turned, and the lock was released. The door opened.
"You
didn't come in?"
"Oh......"
Alexander
asked hastily. Unknowingly, suddenly I entered his room. The door was closed,
he passed me and took off his coat.
He
threw his coat on the table and sat on the edge of the table. Alexander crossed
his arms and looked at me.
"You
weren't too careful this time."
"Hah?"
I
put my hands together calmly like a child caught up in a mistake, I lowered my
head, then raised my head. Alexander smiled. Only his mouth smiled, not his
eyes.
Unlike
his previous smiles, this smile felt familiar to me. Like the first time, I met
him. He smiled, but his eyes were so cold.
"Sis,
your hair is falling out. Under the table."
"......"
"What
are you so curious about?"
Alexander
stood up. It felt like he was coming toward me. But instead, Alexander turned
around and opened the drawer roughly. Then he took out his diary.
"Here.
Read it. Isn't this what you wanted?"
He
handed me the diary. He spoke confidently but seemed to be trembling slightly.
The sound of breathing coming from nearby, as if nervous, irregular.
"...It's
fine. You don't need to be shaking like that."
I
refuse to read the diary. Alexander ground his teeth.
"I
already suspected that you did it, Sis. The investigator must have gone to see
you and tell you everything."
"That's
why... ...You wrote a warning like that to avoid being spied on?"
"That's
right. I don't want that to happen. Of course, if it were you, I wouldn't
care."
"I
did something useless," Alexander muttered to himself. I slowly shook my
head, looking at his lonely face.
"That
was not useless. Because I didn't even read the whole thing."
"Why?
Not enough time......?"
He
tilted his head listlessly as if he didn't understand. I didn't answer right
away, I turned my face away. After a moment, his silver-gray eyes opened wide.
His lips parted slightly in surprise.
"......Everything,
you heard it."
I
didn't answer. Alexander's ears immediately turned red. Quickly, he lowered his
eyes to avoid my gaze.
There's
no way he doesn't know, right?
"Back
then, you were under the table......? When I did, I mean-"
He
didn't speak anymore. My gaze on Alexander deepens. His face, which was red
with embarrassment, now turned dark blue.
"......Do
not see!"
Alexander
covers his face. He looked so ashamed of himself that he didn't know what to
do. He shook his head hard enough to shake his neatly trimmed hair back and
forth. He seemed to want to deny reality. Then, I opened my lips,
"But
I've seen it."
"......Forget
it. Please!"
"No."
I
took the diary that was in his hand. Alexander says "Oh......" He
makes a whimpering sound but I ignore it. He glanced at me between his closed
fingers.
"......That,
I, your name..."
"You
called my name. I heard everything. I saw everything."
"Sh#t!"
When
I opened his diary I saw him slapping his thighs, blaming himself. Now that
things have become like this, I have no reason to refuse anymore.
Let's
continue reading. Only the sound of turning pages could be heard.
December 15, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「There's
only me and O in the Manor. I choked on swallowing the steak without chewing it
properly. I guess it would be better if I don't eat with O.」
It
was the day Mother and Duke went on their honeymoon. I also remember what
happened at dinner that night. Alexander went to the dining room first and was
eating. As soon as I entered, he took a gulp of water and left without looking
at me.
At
that time I also could not spend time eating with Alexander casually as I do
right now. I wanted to know what he wrote on the next page so I turned the
page. Cold sweat dripped out of my palms as if I was feeling nervous.
December 16, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「I heard about the
carriage accident. Stepmother died instantly and Father was taken to the
hospital but in the end... He couldn't be helped. Investigators at the scene
said that the main cause of the accident was a loose wheel.」
......
「Isn't that impossible? The
wheels have just been replaced.」
"...Wait
a minute."
"Yes,
Sis."
"What
does that mean...... The wheels are fine."
Earlier
when I was reading this diary, after noticing that the wheels were loose, I
clearly remembered that Alexander had written, 'I have a great idea.'
I've
never misunderstood. I turned to the previous page and checked again. He
actually wrote that down.
"Then
what do you mean by that 'good idea'?"
I
asked, unable to hide my confusion. I showed Alexander the page where it was
written, but he shook his head.
"Do
I have to tell you?"
"Of
course. Alex, do you want me to doubt you?"
"......Sister."
Have
you ever had so much emotion in your voice? Alexander looked at me
unintentionally, slowly he opened his mouth.
"Under
the excuse of wanting to change wheels. I want to show you the Duchy."
"......Lie."
I
immediately denied it. Why are you making excuses now? But Alexander continued
his words, not noticing my distorted expression.
"That's
right. Don't you remember? I asked you to go together."
'Sis,
I think you like being cooped up at home.'
For
a moment, Alexander's voice in the present and the young Alexander's voice, 3
years ago, seemed to overlap. I don't think his words at that time were an
invitation to go together. I narrowed my eyes. Alexander chuckled as if reading
my heart.
"Sis,
obviously you... ...Didn't you say that you didn't want to go out because of
the cold?"
"......No,
how can I understand with that way of speaking."
It
is not funny. Alexander looked so embarrassed that he ruffled his hair.
"It
wasn't until I realized that my words sounded weird. But isn't it much better
now?"
That
is a question not worth answering. All this time I was very uncomfortable and
suspicious of Alexander. Why are you suddenly approaching me so kindly? Why are
you suddenly hanging around me like this?
Alexander
was so clumsy that I couldn't even notice. After I read his diary, then I know.
Why did Alexander, who had been ignoring me, now approach me?
He
fell in love with me at first sight, but he didn't even notice.
The
heat seemed to spread throughout my body, centered on the lower abdomen. He
smiled while still holding his hair. His gently curved eyes were proof of that.
December 17, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「O
was about to leave without informing me. Don't let O go now. O's reaction to
the news is suspicious. Nonsense. Accident. I can't take it. It's obvious I
can't accept it. That's not possible. What does it mean? O must know something.」
"......"
I
read the next page and was silent for a few moments. I could feel Alexander's
eyes following me closely but I tried to ignore them and turned the page again.
I again felt uncomfortable, it felt like he was too close to me.
December 18, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「While
cleaning Father's office, I found a syringe. I also tried to dig into O's past,
but I failed. I just found her useless relatives.」
Syringe!
He wrote down the syringe!
I
feel like I want to push Alexander and get out of this room. No. No one but me
should know Mother's secret.
"Don't
stop, Sis."
Alexander
gritted his teeth as if noticing my confusion. His big hand touched my
trembling shoulder. Unknowingly I turned to the next page again.
December 19, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「Treat
O cheeks.」
......
「O
is a woman? Woman? Woman? Woman? Woman? Woman? Woman? This damn thing!」
December 23, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「O
avoid me.」
December 26, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「Why
are you reading a book? Unlucky! H sucks.」
December 27, 291 in the Devonian
Empire
「H
is getting annoying! I have the urge to kill my relative, A. He really is
selfless.」
It
was handwriting filled with anger. There are traces of dry ink splotches which
may have been caused by a damaged pen due to rough writing.
January 2, 292 in the Devonian Empire
「Not
O?」
January 3 in the Devonian Empire
「Probably
O.」
January 4th in the Devonian Empire
「Looks
like O––」
"......I
want to stop reading it."
"No,
it's too late. You've gone too far to stop."
Alexander
took my hand when I was about to put down his diary. He turned the page
forcefully.
February 3, 292 in the Devonian
Empire
「Is
that O?」
July 4, 292 in the Devonian Empire
「Damn
it! Now I don't know anymore.」
August 14, 292 in the Devonian Empire
「Please! I hope it's not
just O.」
February 20, 293 in the Devonian
Empire
「Why did O choose H as her
personal maid? Though there are many maids who can do a good job. Sh#t! No need
to worry.」
June 5, 293 in the Devonian Empire
「This pain is starting to
grow.」
April 11, 294 in the Devonian Empire
「Okay, I admit it. I like
O, as a man to a woman. It was love at first sight. If not, then why whenever O is near
me, my heart will beat like this.」
.
.
.
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