22. True Feelings



Translated: Sei, MTL-sensei-tachi
Edited: Sei, Grammarly no Danna
Source: Syosetu


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"...Pisses me off"

 

　It was Touka's murmur that broke the silence that flowed through the place.

 

　As the saying goes, she seems to be severely irritated.

　The person she's upset with...

　Is it me, or is it Kai?

 

　Or both of us...?

 

"The reason I said that was because it was... all about me! That's why I took it out on him, pretending to defend senpai against him!"

 

　Touka said and stared at me.

　There seemed to be a hint of anger hidden behind her eyes.

 

"I'm the same way that people judge me only by my appearance and reputation, and never look at what's inside! They all like me based on my outward appearance, and they force their feelings on me. Even girls come up to me for my brother.... It's annoying, creepy, and a pain in the ass. "

 

　I suddenly remembered the first year girl I had seen one day, who had been with Touka on her way to school.

　Maybe Touka is always surrounded by people like that.

 

"Hey, senpai. Does that mean I am needed? After all, if it's the sister of that "Ike Haruma". If it's the sister of everyone's hero who can do anything.... I mean, it doesn't have to be me, it could be anyone, right?"

 

　Touka doesn't stop.

 

"That's why I wanted to be 'I'. I worked hard to become 'Ike Touka', not the sister of 'Ike Haruma'. All the sports and art-related lessons that my brother was doing, I was also doing it. I don't care what it is, just one is okay. I wanted to beat that brother."

 

　Touka's words were filled with depressing thoughts.

 

"... No matter how hard I worked and the results I got. But I still couldn't achieve better results than my brother. If that's the extent of it, people will say, 'That's Haruma's sister,' and that's it."

 

　I'm sure this is a thought she has been keeping to herself without telling anyone.

 

" I thought, then I can't lose in my studies. That's what I thought, and I worked hard. I worked hard all the time, even while sleeping, so that I could get better grades than my brother..... But I still couldn't make it. At best, I'm only the top student in this school's entrance exam. I can't compare to my brother, who is the top student in the national mock exam.

 

　She was constantly dealing with this inferiority complex.

 

"But the most frustrating thing was... Even with the amount of effort I put in, I can't beat my brother. Even when I try my hardest, he easily surpasses my limits and puts in unbelievable effort. And yet, he tells me with a calm face, "Don't be reckless", you know? It's really miserable."

 

　I didn't turn away, I took it head on.　

 

"... By the middle of junior high school, I had almost realized it. I knew that no matter what I did, I would never be able to beat my brother. But I didn't want to run away. If I did that, I would probably be 'Ike Haruma's sister' for the rest of my life. That's why I went to the trouble of applying to the same school as my brother."

 

　I wonder how much of a burden she has accumulated in her heart.

　I couldn't even begin to imagine.　

 

" When I decided to attend this school, my brother told me about his best friend. I thought it was annoying, but when I saw the happy expression on my brother's face, I thought. If I interfere between him and my brother, even if I don't win, I'll feel a little better."

 

　Touka gave me a resentful look.

　That was me, wasn't it?

　...... This is not time to be happy that Ike thought I was his best friend.

 

"But it was no good. In the end, not my request, senpai took priority to help my brother first... That's right. Your best friend’s request is more important than a request from this fake lover with a bad personality."　

 

　When I saw the give-up look on her face, I realized something.

 

"... Touka calls Ike a 'shitty brother' and lashes out at him, but never once have you said you "hate" him. The truth is, you love your brother."

 

"I don't even know if I like him or anything. But I think he is amazing. I even respect him. I can understand why my classmates are so passionate about him. He has a good face and is kind. He's a good human being, unlike me.... That's why it’s making myself even more miserable."

 

　After taking one deep breath, Touka said.

 

"He is well educated and has a good appearance. He is well-liked by people. I have such a "special" brother, but I am just a girl with a pretty face and a bad personality. I can't beat my brother in anything. I will always be "Ike Haruma's sister," but I will never be "Ike Touka". This past month, I felt as if I was being confronted with this once again, and I was very, very miserable. If it's going to be like this... I should never have come to this high school."

 

　Then she looked away from me and continued.

 

"It's the same now. You were just involved in the situation, but I was shamelessly screaming and taking it out on senpai.... I'm really miserable, right?"

 

　When she finished, Touka's expression was very weak and painful.

 

　She was constantly exposed to and compared to the overwhelming talent of "Ike Haruma".

　Even so, she continued to make efforts without fail.

 

　Despite this, no one praises her efforts.

　Even she can't be proud of her own efforts, as her brother keeps showing her that she is striving to surpass him.

 

　Is such cruelty something that a mere girl can endure?

　......Maybe it's impossible.

　I can't take it either.

 

　No, I won't even try to make an effort to surpass Ike.

 

　He's definitely the main character.

　Even if it is just a label, I think so.

　I adore that guy.

　Deep down, I wish I could have been the main character like him.

 

　But I'm aware that I can't be like that.

　...... No, I've given up before I've even tried.

 

 

　That's why I can't say anything to Touka, who has exposed her true feelings.

　I'm only in the position of a friend, and it's Ike, the protagonist, who saves the wounded girl.

 

 

 

　...... If I really play with such sophistry.

　I won't even be his friend anymore.

 

　That's what I thought, so I looked her straight in the eye and opened my mouth.

 

 

"I think I said at the beginning that the reason I became Touka's fake lover because you were “the first junior to ask me for help”. But there's more to it than that."

 

　To my words, Touka raised her face.

 

"I wanted to make things right with Ike and Touka. I took Touka's offer at that time."

 

"... So in the end, senpai was also going out with me because I'm Ike Haruma's sister."

 

　Touka muttered indifferently without showing any indignation.

 

"Maybe that's what it comes down to. I've always admired Ike Haruma. I always wanted to be like him, the guy who could always be counted on. But I quickly gave up on the idea that there was no way I could be like him. So I thought I'd like to at least repay the favor I received from the guy I admired."

 

"What's that? Are you calling me an idiot for continuing my futile efforts all these years?　You're a terrible senpai."

 

　Touka mocks herself.

 

"It's the other way around. I didn't think I could beat him. I was so blinded by his greatness that I stopped there.... But Touka is different. No matter how great Ike was, no matter how unappreciated the people around you were. But still, Touka kept trying, didn't you? You continued to challenge, right? That's amazing. Not just anyone can do that."

 

"What is that, comforting?"

 

　Touka said, disgusted.

 

"That's not it either. You know, Touka. I'm one of the people who admired that guy. So I understand. Touka's greatness and effort.... So I'll acknowledge it. Even if no one else can acknowledge it. Even if Touka herself can't acknowledge it ―― "

 

　I look straight at Touka.

　I don't know if I'm putting this into words well.

　I don't even know if this is the right thing to say to her.

 

　Still, I tell her the words I want to say to her with all my sincerity.

 

"I acknowledge that Ike Touka is a great girl. I'll be watching you properly."

 

　Touka opened her eyes at my words.

　She met my gaze and looked surprised.

 

　Maybe she thought I was talking nonsense.

　I know better than anyone else that my evaluation is worthless.

 

　Still, I continue.

　I want her to be proud, even if it's just self-satisfaction.

 

　I wanted to help her, I really did.

 

"Touka tried to surpass Ike, and in the end, you didn't win anything. Maybe it got too hard and you gave up. I don't think that's a bad thing at all.... But if Touka says that it's still frustrating to keep losing. If there's something in the future that you don't want to lose to Ike. I'll be rooting for Touka, not Ike. Even if it's just one thing, let me help Touka beat Ike."

 

　I said to Touka, who was staring straight at me in silence.

　I don't know what she's thinking right now.

　But at least.

 

　She didn't have that look on her face anymore, as if she was looking for help.

 

"And can I ask you one thing? I think it all started because of Ike. But it’s not with “Ike's sister” that I'm having a great time, but with “Ike Touka”, who has a bad personality and a bad mouth, but she's cute in some way. So don't tell me that you shouldn't have come to this high school. I've been enjoying becoming fake lover life with Touka for some time now… it makes me sad, right?"

 

　And I said so pathetically and quite earnestly.

　Subconsciously, I couldn't see Touka as a "sister character" anymore.

 

　―― Well, that's natural.

　After all, this girl is the first “junior I've ever had who gives me trouble”.

　She is just like Ike.

　They are important to me and irreplaceable.

 

　When Touka heard my words, she was confused, lowered her eyes, and fell silent.

　Then... She looked at me with a bright red face and tears in her eyes.

 

　I don't look away from her gaze, either.

　When our gazes met, Touka's face grew even redder, and she gave up trying to say something, turning over her head... Finally, shouting one word as she glared at me with all her might.

 

 

"I'm leaving!"

 

　After those words, Touka started walking towards the exit.

 

　...... I thought I was offering words of encouragement, but I seem to have offended her.

　I know I need to reflect on my actions, but I have to follow Touka as she stumbles toward the door.

 

"I'll follow you. If you go home alone now and Kai sees you, won't that be trouble?"

 

"Don't talk to me!"

 

　Once again, Touka shouts a few words.

　However, she doesn't say, "Don't come with me," so she might be surprisingly calm.

 

　I follow her words and walk alongside her in silence.

　When I look at Touka's reddened face from the side, she turns her face away as if she doesn't like it.

 

　...... I was speaking such thing like that, it's annoying, right.

 

　I dropped my shoulders, I guess I can't be a protagonist like Ike after all, I thought to myself.

　Well, it's more like her to be angry than to be depressed, she consoled herself.

 

☆

 

　We then left the school without saying a word to each other, and reached the station.

　Come to think of it, I've had this happen before,

 

"See you"

 

　I said goodbye to Touka.

　I didn't expect a response from Touka, who was furious ――.

 

"……See you tomorrow"

 

　I heard Touka mutter in my ear....... I felt I heard it.

 

"Ha?"

 

　I said this in a dumbfounded manner, but Touka then proceeded through the station without looking back at me.

　...... After all, I guess I was just imagining things.

 

　I let out a sigh and decided to wait for the train to go home.


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