Translated: Sei, MTL-sensei-tachi
Edited: Sei, Grammarly no Danna
Thank you for your support Hector Amaya Jr., Chase, NetNN, La Fayette, Jeffery, That's Pretty Mint, Joshua Berry
Epilogue | A Morning Confession | Remake our Life!
The new year had begun, and it was the first day of work in 2009.
"That's unusual. It's rare for you to have something to talk to me about."
In Success Soft's meeting room, I was about to tell someone I respected about a certain decision I had made.
No one had arrived at the company yet. I had come specifically before the start of working hours, taking advantage of the time.
I knew we were both busy, so this was the only time I had.
"I'm sorry for taking up your time."
"Don't worry about it. So, what did you want to talk about?"
I hesitated for a moment, wondering how to phrase it. To be honest, it was painful to talk about.
But continuing to lie to him about this was even more painful.
That's why.
"About what we talked about the other day... I've decided to choose a different path from what you had in mind, Matsuhira-san."
I spoke clearly and directly.
Matsuhira-san's expression did not change. I thought he might be more surprised or disappointed, but Matsuhira-san was, as always, just as he normally was.
"Can you tell me the detailed reason?"
Instead, he asked me in his usual calm tone.
"Yes, I'll tell you."
From this point on, I probably wouldn't change my mind anymore.
So this was also about telling him what kind of principles I would live by.
After coming back to the past from ten years in the future and starting my life over.
What I had gone through all that trouble to reach was now right in front of me.
"Your idea of creating an environment where creators can work is very important, Matsuhira-san."
"Thank you. So you do agree with that part of my thinking"
I nodded, then continued.
"However, I don't believe in managing everything so thoroughly that it ends up becoming like a factory."
His opinion seemed extreme to me.
His stance was that, for the sake of his own ideals, it was acceptable to encroach upon even the very essence of creativity. He even went so far as to say that an entire project could be scrapped for that purpose.
"How do you think things are made?"
"What is the intention behind that question?"
Matsuhira-san asked me in return.
"For example, with an industrial product, you create a process, put together a manual, and arrange the machines and personnel according to it."
There may be machine breakdowns or human error, but as long as the process is designed to run properly, the product will be completed automatically and within the calculated amount of time.
"If it doesn't work, all you have to do is review the process, adjust the machines, or train the personnel."
"That's right. What I want to achieve is exactly that——"
I interrupted him there.
"But when it comes to game development, no, the creative field in general, is that really the optimal solution?"
A slight distortion appeared on Matsuhira-san's expression. It might have been the first time that had happened since I had begun working with him.
"For example, illustrations. We can correct distortions in the drawing, and if a costume design is outdated, we can provide reference materials and improve it."
"That’s true. Rather than relying solely on the director’s intuition, it can also be an area where we can create more manuals and reduce the workload."
"But what about ideas, the parts that are created from zero?"
"That too, by increasing the number of reference materials and people participating in brainstorming..."
I shook my head midway through Matsuhira-san's words and rejected the idea.
"We can probably reach a certain level that way. If we gather many opinions and extract ideas from them, we can put together something that will be supported by the majority of people."
"Isn't that good? Why would that be a problem?"
I was remembering the things that Shinoaki, and Saikawa, had struggled and suffered to create as individual creators.
"Something like that would be blown away with ease in the face of a single creator’s genuine determination."
For the first time in a long while, I remembered those words.
They were the words that had inspired Nanako when she had stopped moving forward, the words that had brought Tsurayuki back to life when he was about to give up on creating, and the words that had transformed Shinoaki.
Genuine determination.
The concentration of one’s will and the culmination of raw effort, capable of amplifying a person’s ordinary abilities many times over.
I would never forget the countless miracles they had brought into being.
"Creators are strange. You can’t calculate them. You never know what will be born or when. Their job is to struggle in that darkness where they can’t see the way out, and come up with an answer at the very limit of their abilities."
We need to care for their bodies, care for their hearts, and create an environment where they can live like human beings.
They are the bare minimum things that are necessary, but even so, they still cannot be calculated.
It’s so much fun, so much fun, and even though it’s painful, it’s still so much fun. Before long, they forget the passage of time, forget that they are human, and keep moving restlessly without listening to the voices telling them to stop.
"I think it’s our job... as people like us who are outside the creative process, to stay by their side until the very limit, no, even beyond that limit, and share their fate."
That’s why, no matter how you look at it, it can never become a factory, and there’s no way to make it run according to schedule.
Even if there are things that could supposedly be solved through collective knowledge, even those things fade into insignificance in the face of a single person’s life.
It is precisely because it is unknown that it is interesting and painful. That is what creativity is.
"Creative work can never become an ordinary job. Precisely because it isn’t ordinary, what we create can move people’s hearts and help many people. It’s because this is the kind of industry it is that I admired it so strongly and decided to make it my work."
Borrowing Matsuhira-san’s words, I said the opposite.
"That's all."
When I had finished telling him everything, silence took over the room.
Outside the window, the world was still far from the usual hustle and bustle. A quiet, tense atmosphere filled the morning meeting room.
Matsuhira-san quietly opened his mouth.
"You..."
After searching for his words for a moment, he looked straight at me.
"Are you saying that there are things that must be created, even if many people break down physically or mentally and go through painful experiences?"
My eyes widened.
It was an extreme argument. It even felt like a somewhat unfair way of putting it.
But I already had the answer to this question.
"There are things that must be created——"
I pictured Shinoaki.
Unlike the image of her that had come to mind during my conversation with Nanako, this was the Shinoaki who had cast aside her doubts, a figure so radiant that she almost seemed divine.
Creative work is not an assembly line. No matter how smoothly you try to make things run according to schedule, there will always be times when they unexpectedly come to a halt.
Perhaps it is precisely because the process leading to creation is incomplete and unstable that we find God and eternity within it.
I pictured a woman who continued creating worlds even at the cost of time with her family, and eventually, that image overlapped with the figure of the creator I trusted and respected most, who continued to face her tablet with single-minded focus.
It isn’t ordinary. It could never be ordinary.
Putting them into such a framework would be far too disrespectful to them.
(This is my... answer)
Something inside me was gradually coming together.
Something that had been vague until now was beginning to take shape.
Matsuhira-san's expression returned to normal. It was his usual calm expression when he was at work.
"Even so, I still... trust you, Hashiba-kun."
"Thank you. I respect you too, Matsuhira-san."
"As we continued working together, I wanted you to work alongside me as a partner. But..."
He lowered his gaze, looking disappointed.
"It seems that, for now, I can't walk the same path as you."
He stated it clearly and firmly.
Why did Matsuhira-san hate the old ways so much that he would go that far? Why did he want to eliminate them, even if it meant approaching everything from a position of outright rejection?
I didn't know, and I didn't have enough reason to ask.
If I were to believe Horii-san's words, perhaps there would come a time when I would ask, when the need arose.
But now, it seemed that I had already lost the opportunity to ask.
"Let's talk again sometime. I don't want to give up on you."
"Thank you very much."
Matsuhira-san quietly left the room.
There was a sound of the door closing with a thud, and the room was enveloped in silence.
There was still some time before the workday began. It was so quiet here that it felt as though there was no one else in the world, and it even seemed as if time itself had stopped.
It was a choice from which there was no turning back. I had met some lovely girls, grown close to them, and they had even come to like me. We could have dated, eventually started a family, and worked... A future like that should have been waiting for me further down the road.
But I knew that this supposedly happy future would never truly be happy. Even though I should have known that, I found myself hesitating again.
I still hadn't fully prepared myself for the fact that I was already in hell.
But as of today, the route had been completely laid out.
Where was it that I wanted to go?
What was it that I wanted to do after returning to the past ten years?
The time to find the answer was already drawing near.
"I have to tackle it, don't I?"
I muttered as if reminding myself, then took out the stack of papers I had been carrying beside me.
——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———
The proposal I had been thinking about since the end of last year.
It was a project for the future that lay ahead of me and us.
Standing before my friends as they took flight as creators in their own right, I had been working on it little by little, intending to steel myself for what was to come.
It contained everything we had experienced up to that point.
Creating works after enduring hardships and managing to overcome crises.
Creating opportunities for someone who lacked confidence in their own abilities.
And nearly losing a friend's future as a result of compromise.
Reconsidering what I was doing in another future.
I intended to pour all of those experiences into this project.
"Let's make it."
The morning light filled the meeting room. The light streaming in through the gaps between the window blinds made the proposal in my hands sparkle.
The project wasn't finished yet. It was thick enough in terms of pages, but all it contained was a relentless list of my own fierce feelings, making it something that could hardly be called a proposal.
But there was one thing I could say with certainty. More than any proposal I had ever made before, this incomplete one in my hands had the potential to become the greatest of them all.
And I had the resolve to believe in that possibility and see it through.
"I'll embrace everyone, and I'll create."
I gave Nanako a new insight, brought Tsurayuki back, and turned Shinoaki into a monster.
I had been afraid. Terrified by the magnitude of what I had done, I had tried to lessen my own guilt by following the words of others.
I had finally realized that it was already pointless. I had been submerged in a sea of hell's blood with my entire body for a long time.
The most I can do is stand as a shield for everyone who is fighting.
It was still far from complete, but the finalized title was already written on the cover.
The power of darkness that had toyed with me, given me opportunities, and even now continued to scream and rage.
A cruel blade that no one could control, simply passing through and slicing everything apart.
An eternal treasure from which history is born when things are piled up, and the future is born when they are unraveled.
In the world I had once been sent to, I had heard that title only once. It was a masterpiece created by the future Succeed. I didn't know anything more about it, but for some reason, the name had been deeply etched into my mind.
I felt as though there was some kind of connection to it, almost as if it were fate. That's why I wrote it down here.
『Mystic Clockwork』
It was a title that pointed to the “time” that had led me astray, even though I still couldn't see even the slightest glimpse of what it held.
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