Translated: Sei, MTL-sensei-tachi
Edited: Sei, Grammarly no Danna

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Chapter 2 | Me and the Rain | Remake our Life!


Part 1

After letting Nanako listen to my complaints, I felt a little better.

But naturally, that alone wasn't going to improve my ability to create plots. I somehow pulled myself together and wrote a new plot, only for it to be rejected once again without hesitation.

(Yeah, figures it wouldn't be that easy.)

Thankfully, the first volume of the light novel I finished sold quite well, and not only was a second volume guaranteed, but they had even decided to push the promotion a little more aggressively.

However, with the writing of that all-important second volume looming ahead, I had completely hit a wall.

"The ideas themselves are good, I think. There are no major problems with how the scenes are constructed either. However, you're completely failing at the part where you connect them together and bring them into a well-balanced whole."

Fujiwara-san, my editor, had finally run out of patience and started calling me directly. But he never gave me the right answer. I think it was because he knew that if I didn't properly learn the process of putting a story together here and now, I'd only struggle later on.

(I know that. I know he's handling this in the best possible way.)

I understand those feelings of my editor, and I understand what I'm lacking as well. And yet, I can't do it, nor can I see any prospect of being able to do it from here on.

I had to figure something out. And whenever I thought that, his face inevitably came to mind.

(Kyoya... what would you do?)

But I can't rely on him anymore. The moment I indulge myself and do that, what awaits me is a return to the relationship we had before, where I depended on him once again.

That's why I can't do that.

"Back when you were writing Volume 1, you could do it... Did something happen?"

My editor's words pierced straight into my chest. Of course, there was no way I could tell him the reason.

I had received permission to let a trusted friend read it and give me their impressions, but I had never told her about the extent of Kyoya's involvement, nor that he had practically participated as a brainstorming partner.

"Let's try hanging in there a little longer. Fortunately, you started working on it early, so we can still afford to spend a bit more time on the plot."

"Thank you very much."

"However, if it's taking you this much time here, you should assume it'll be difficult to continue writing over the long term."

"...Yes."

"I think you'll end up with the same result next time unless you drastically change the way you think about it or try looking at it from a different perspective."

Everything he said made perfect sense. After thanking him and ending the call, it felt as though, all at once, a wave of exhaustion settled heavily over my body.

I collapsed onto the bed and covered my face.

"D*mn it......I thought I could do it."

The manuscript I submitted had been written entirely by my own power. It won an award, and that led to my debut.

However, what had been praised wasn't the completeness of the work itself, but rather the originality of its ideas and developments, along with the expectation of future growth born from its rough, unpolished charm.

My editor had told me that quite plainly, and I understood it as well. In fact, knowing that fixing those weaknesses would earn the work more recognition—and allow me to write something that I myself found more interesting—only motivated me further.

However, I hit a stumbling block during the revision stage for publication as a paperback edition. At the time, though, I didn't think it was that serious, so I turned to Kyoya, if only to gain another perspective.

Kyoya acted immediately. He brought me exactly what I lacked and what I needed. By leaving the selection and refinement process to him, my exchanges with my editor became much smoother, and for me as well, it led to a result I was grateful for.

However, now I was in this pathetic state.

Kyoya's advice had been too accurate. Because he had been so reliable and so willing to help, my work had become something that couldn't function without him.

At this rate, I'd remain only half a writer, and of course, I couldn't keep relying on Kyoya forever.

This was the moment that would determine my future, and also the test of whether or not I could change.

"I've got to do something...Right?

If what Nanako said was right, then I probably still hadn't suffered enough. The only thing I could do was keep struggling, keep thinking, and come up with my next move.

Only the sound of my own groan echoed through the room.

——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———

Part 2

When we returned home from the drive, Yuu-kun had already come back to the house, just as he had said he would. However, once he went back to his room, he didn't show himself in front of us again.

"I wonder if he's still bothered by it."

Looking slightly worried, Shinoaki gazed at the closed door of his room.

"I'm sorry, Hashiba-san. Yuu said something rude."

Jin-san apologized to me once again.

"No, not at all. I'm just..."

If anything, I was more worried that Yuu-kun might end up brooding over it.

"He's a kind kid, but it's a difficult age."

With a wry smile, Jin-san turned his gaze toward the room where Yuu-kun was probably staying.

As his father, he must have had his own thoughts on the matter. Perhaps, to some extent, there was even a part of him that sympathized with his feelings toward Shinoaki.

(Maybe it's simply that he doesn't have the kind of past that would let him support Shinoaki.)

It was a subject that was far too difficult for me to bring up.

"There's still some time before dinner, so I'll go rest in my room for a bit."

With that, Jin-san returned to his room.

"Ah, yes."

That left only Shinoaki and me.

Somehow, an awkward atmosphere hung in the air.

(This is a problem. Whatever I do, there's no real opening to start with.)

Just as I was about to suggest that we each spend the time until dinner in our own rooms,

"Kyoya-kun."

Shinoaki called out to me.

"There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

"Eh...?"

I thought, probably, or rather definitely, that it was a continuation of the conversation from earlier.

If that was the case, then there was no way it would be a light conversation.

"Yeah, sure. Where should we talk?"

When I replied, she said,

"Then, could you come to my Mom's room?"

——It seemed she was going to tell me something important.

——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———

Part 3

Shinoaki's house had a 4LDK layout.

On the first floor were the dining kitchen and a guest room, while on the second floor there were Yuu-kun's and Shinoaki's rooms, divided from what had originally been a single room, as well as Jin-san's room.

Which meant that the remaining room was her mother's room.

(So, does that mean it's over there?)

The room on the first floor that I had mistakenly tried to enter at the beginning. It had been locked, so I couldn't get in, but I had guessed that it was probably the one.

"This way."

My guess was correct. The room Shinoaki led me to was indeed the one at the very end of the first floor hallway. She inserted a somewhat old-fashioned iron key into the keyhole, and with a heavy clunk, the door slowly opened.

"Since nobody uses it, it might be a little dusty. Sorry about that."

As she said that, Shinoaki turned the doorknob.

"Waah..."

The room had an open ceiling. It wasn't large, but because it extended upward, it didn't feel cramped.

Light streamed down from above, and just as she had said, I could see dust glittering as it drifted through the air. But the reason I couldn't help letting out a sound of amazement was because of what was inside the room.

Towering bookshelves stood on either side, packed tightly with art books, photography collections, and piles of reference materials. Dolls, ornaments, and paintings were displayed in perfect balance along the walls. Windows that beautifully welcomed the sunlight inside. And a work desk covered with all kinds of art supplies.

It was an art studio. It seemed to have been left exactly as Shinoaki's mother had used it, and it possessed such a vivid sense of presence that it felt as though someone might walk in at any moment and begin creating a piece of art.

A sigh of admiration escaped me naturally. It was immediately obvious that this was the room of someone who loved something and had devoted themselves to it, and more than anything, I felt the same atmosphere here that I felt from her.

(This is where Shinoaki came from.)

After seeing the land, the people, and the house, it was only upon arriving at this place that I finally understood. It felt as though this room contained the reason she was who she was.

"Mom used to work here all the time. After seeing me, Dad, and Yuu-kun off in the morning, she'd spend her time here until evening."

With a gentle touch, Shinoaki ran her hand over the desk her mother had used, and then over the chair.

I didn't know much about her mother either. The only thing I had heard was that she made her living drawing pictures.

"What I wanted to talk about is..."

She suddenly began speaking.

"There's something I have to apologize to you for, Kyoya-kun."

She looked at me and then bowed her head deeply.

"Eh, ehh... What is it, Shinoaki?

"I lied about one thing. Sorry."

Even when she said it was a lie... I had no idea what she meant.

"Do you remember when we went to the aquarium before?"

"Yeah, I do."

That was the first time Shinoaki had told me about her family.

About how her mother worked as an artist, how she had a father and a younger brother, and most of all, why she loved drawing so much.

Back then, she had said that the reason she drew was because it made her father and younger brother happy. She had even said that was the reason she went on to attend Geidai.

But.

『Wasn't Nee-san supposed to have stopped drawing already?』

I remembered what Yuu-kun had said earlier, and suddenly it all seemed to connect.

"Ah, could it be..."

Shinoaki nodded.

"Yeah, that's right. The part about drawing because it makes my father and younger brother happy... that was a lie."

I see, and now I understand Yuu-kun's reaction.

He didn't want Shinoaki to draw. If anything, he wanted her to stop.

Judging from how things looked, Shinoaki knew how he felt, and at some point in the past, had even told him that she would quit drawing.

"I applied to the Film Department because it wasn't a department for drawing. I thought that if I went into that field, I definitely wouldn't cause them any worry."

So that's how it was.

The Film Department didn't have a drawing exam. There might be opportunities to draw in introductory classes for other departments, but unless you seriously pursued the world of animation, there generally shouldn't be many classes that involved drawing.

And yet, Shinoaki had been drawing. Not because anyone told her to, but by her own choice.

(So it wasn't something as simple as whether her boyfriend had shown up or not.)

I felt ashamed of the shallow assumptions I had made about Yuu-kun.

"I thought that if I went into a different field, maybe I could enjoy doing something else... but it wasn't quite like that. Other things were interesting too, and drawing was also incredibly interesting. It couldn't become a substitute."

"Fufu," Shinoaki laughed softly, and in her expression I felt as though I could see traces of the loneliness and maturity she had in the future.

"You know, Mom did a lot around the house, and she also loved her work and did a lot of it. In the end, she ruined her health and passed away because of it."

Shinoaki lovingly ran her hand across the work desk.

"She really loved drawing. She'd been drawing ever since she was very little, and I think she was so happy that it became her job. Even after marrying Dad, she kept working as an artist, but then she got sick because of it."

Taking a breath, Shinoaki looked up at the ceiling.

Strong sunlight continued to pour in through the windows. It was warm enough that I could feel the heat slightly.

Suddenly, I wondered if the time she had spent in this studio had somehow led to that painting, [Sunflower].

"Both Dad and I knew how much Mom loved drawing, so in a way, we were able to accept her illness. But..."

"Your younger brother, Yuu-kun, wasn't."

Shinoaki nodded, "Mm."

"It seems he thought that even with just Dad's salary, we could live perfectly well, so why did she have to keep working to the point of making herself sick? He was still young, but he just couldn't understand why Mom kept drawing even after she became ill."

I couldn't say I didn't understand how he felt.

If it was for the sake of making a living, or for the sake of the family, then as sad as it was, it would still be understandable. But if that wasn't the reason, then maybe he couldn't help thinking that she had chosen her work over her family.

Especially if it was when he was a child.

"I think I was around middle school at the time. I was drawing, and then I noticed my little brother watching me from behind. So when I turned around,"

Shinoaki lowered her eyes quietly.

"He looked so sad... and I just can't forget that expression."

"So something like that happened."

"That's why the part about Dad and my little brother being happy about it was a lie. The reason I asked you to come all the way here was because I wanted to tell you this."

With the saddest smile I had ever seen from her,

"I'm sorry for lying."

"No, it's okay."

I didn't know how to respond. I believed I understood, at least to some extent, how much she loved drawing, and how much she loved her family as well, from the time we had spent together.

Because of that, even if she had found herself caught between the two and said something that wasn't true, there was no way I could blame her, nor was it the kind of lie for which anyone else had the right to blame her.

It was simply that her lie was a sad one—something that caused her great pain and was too painful to carry alone.

Inside the quiet, warm studio, we spent some time in silence. Even though it should be a very gentle space, my heart felt gradually tightened.

"Even after Mom was gone, I used to come here a lot."

"When you wanted to draw?"

Shinoaki shook her head,

"That too, but when I come here and just sit quietly, it calms me down."

I couldn't fully understand it, but for Shinoaki, it was probably something deeper than simple loneliness.

"About what I'm going to do from now on."

Shinoaki began to speak.

"I've been thinking a little about how I should approach drawing from now on."

"Approach it?"

"Up until now, I've been involved with it too directly. Yu-kun is part of the reason, but I also thought I should take some time to think about it myself."

I could feel my heart thump heavily in my chest.

Shinoaki had already started thinking about the very thing I had been agonizing over on the plane.

"But I still haven't been able to come to a decision myself. So..."

Shinoaki looked straight at me,

"Kyoya-kun, you've always been watching my work. I wanted to hear your opinion. What do you think I should do from now on?"

It felt as though the tip of a blade had been pressed against my throat.

I had been so conflicted, and I still hadn't found an answer myself. I never expected Shinoaki to ask me about it so directly, here of all places.

What's more, I had just listened to her monologue and heard about her close family. Those things would undoubtedly influence any decision, and make it impossible to take that first step.

(Wasn't I supposed to follow my own selfish desires?)

Once again, I threw the same question at myself that I had only recently reconsidered.

But was that really the right thing to do? Faced with the rare talent of Shinoaki, is it really the right choice to give her a push now?

"I——"

In a hoarse voice, that was as far as I could get.

"Sorry, let me think about it a little more."

After reaching the limits of my thinking, what came out was nothing more than a delaying response that solved nothing. But there was simply no way I could say anything that pointed her toward a path forward right now

"Mm, then I'd like you to tell me sometime later."

It was Shinoaki's usual smile.

She was standing at a crossroads. After laying bare her past and showing me her vulnerable side, she was asking me how she should live from now on.

That was her future, and also my future.

The world of ten years from now has already passed. It felt as though some distant existence was asking me whether I was going to bring about that sorrow once again.

"Well then, shall we head back? Dad's probably going to start preparing dinner soon."

"Ah, right. I should help out."

As I was leaving the room, I looked once more at Shinoaki's mother's studio.

It should have been such a warm and gentle space, and yet I couldn't help feeling that everything in it seemed somehow sorrowful, as though it were quietly crying.

——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———

Part 4 Kawasegawa POV

"Wahhhhh!! I-It’s really Nanako-senpai~~~~~~~!!"

"Kyaah!! W-Wait, um, a-are you okay? Calm down~!!"

"H-Hey! I told you not to get so excited!!"

At an open-air café not far from Osaka Abenobashi Station, shrill voices rang through the area, overwhelming the place’s stylish atmosphere.

"I-I'm so sorry!! Takenaka was just so happy that I got a little overwhelmed, or rather, I was clearly way too excited! I deeply regret it!!"

The moment she let go of the arms she had wrapped around Nanako and snapped into a salute, Takenaka finally lowered her voice back to a normal volume.

"...It’s a good thing there weren’t many customers today, but normally this would be a nuisance to the café too, you know. If you’re aiming to work in production, you need to be more careful."

"Yes! I’m truly ashamed of myself. I won’t do it again!"

Well, despite how she looked, this girl was actually very smart, so she probably really wouldn’t do it again, just as she said.

Today was the day of the long-awaited meeting with the person she admired, something Takenaka had been asking for for quite a while.

It was nothing complicated; she simply wanted to meet Nanako. But Nanako’s schedule had become fairly packed these days, so with Hashiba unavailable, I ended up being present as part of this rather odd group composition,

(Hashiba is really good at pushing these kinds of things onto me.)

It was the same with Saikawa in the beginning; I wonder if he thinks of me as a babysitter or something.

"But you’re an interesting girl~. I could understand if it was because of videos on Nico Nico Douga, but becoming a fan because of that doujin game? That’s a first for me."

"Well~, it feels a little strange saying it myself, but Takenaka’s tastes are pretty skewed!"

Well, normally a girl like her wouldn’t stumble across and play a doujin game with H-scenes in it.

"But thanks to that, I got to enjoy Nanako-senpai’s songs so much, so I think it’s an absolutely wonderful hobby! Uhm, would it be okay if I asked a lot more about your music?"

"Ah, eh, mm, it's fine, as long as it’s something I can answer..."

"Yay! Then, let's start with composing...!"

Takenaka had even gone so far as to bring out what looked like a notebook full of questions from her bag, and she began firing them at Nanako while referring to it.

"I always thought the way Nanako-senpai’s songs develop their melodies is pretty unique compared to ordinary songwriting, but is there any kind of music you’ve been involved with since you were young?"

"Let’s see, my grandmother taught me folk songs, so that’s probably why..."

What I found impressive about Takenaka was that she didn’t ask vague questions. Instead, she clearly identified the points that seemed likely to be useful as knowledge for herself and asked about them in a concrete way.

I had felt the same thing when she questioned me as well, but when I actually asked her about it, she told me that she carefully prepared her questions beforehand, and I honestly remember being thoroughly impressed.

(She’s exactly the kind of person Hashiba would like.)

That said, from Hashiba’s perspective, she was also the kind of person who might someday step into his own territory, so perhaps she was someone who made him feel pressure instead.

That’s why I think the real schemer was the person who introduced her to Hashiba in the first place.

(My big sister again...)

As always, I could only be exasperated by how much she enjoyed that sort of maneuvering. Even now, while all this was going on, she was probably plotting something else. That was just the kind of person she was.

After a while, Takenaka’s question session seemed to come to an end.

"That’s all! Thank you very much, Nanako-senpai!"

"Well~...You're really researching thoroughly. Takenaka-chan, you used to be involved in music too, right?"

"Yes! But well, it didn’t seem like I’d ever reach the top, so I quit!"

I thought it was impressive how casually she could say something like that.

"By the way, have you heard anything from Hashiba? Is he still taking it easy and sightseeing around Fukuoka?"

When asked, Takenaka shook her head vigorously from side to side,

"Absolutely no——————thing! After that little bit of contact at the beginning, I haven’t heard a thing from him."

"I see. Well, that sounds like Hashiba."

It wasn’t that he was a strict rationalist, but Hashiba never contacted people over unnecessary matters. What made it irritating was that he would say things like, “You’re the same type, Kawasegawa,” which made it harder for me to contact him over something trivial. Seriously, what is with that guy?

"Well, Kyoya’s never been very diligent about that sort of thing. Though when it comes to work, he’s incredible."

"Wah! I’d love to hear stories like that too! Does Paisen really switch gears when he’s working?"

"Oh, absolutely! Back when we were making music together, for example..."

And just like that, Nanako and Takenaka started enthusiastically chatting again about behind-the-scenes stories from their creative work.

Since they were stories I’d already heard before, I just gazed up at the sky absentmindedly. The weather was nice.

(A trip would probably be fun.)

Kyoya and Shinoaki were probably having a good time together. If someone asked me whether I was jealous, I think I’d answer that I was.

However, regarding this trip, considering it's right after Shinoaki collapsed, I don't think it'll be a carefree trip.

Had her family come to understand the situation? And if Shinoaki was hiding something, this might become an opportunity for her to talk about it.

I just hoped it would be a good trip for both Hashiba and Shinoaki.

"Uhm, Takenaka really does think so!"

Takenaka suddenly turned her sparkling gaze toward us.

"With all these amazingly talented people gathered together, Takenaka really wants to see a work made by an All-Star team!"

Caught off guard, Nanako looked visibly bewildered.

"Eh, hmm, well, maybe something like that will happen someday."

Her words lacked the decisiveness she had shown earlier.

I understood completely. After going through that experience, you couldn’t immediately think, Let’s do it again. And besides, Nanako was currently devoted to her own creative work. If she were to start creating as part of a group again right now, she might end up losing her feel for working independently.

"What about Kawasegawa-senpai...!

Those sparkling eyes turned toward me.

But I had already prepared my answer to that question from the very beginning.

"Now isn’t the time for that yet."

Takenaka's face looked a bit disappointed.

I smiled just a little and said,

"When the time comes, Hashiba will be the one to say it."

That’s right. None of us said it aloud, but right now was a period for each of us to build up our own strength.

And Hashiba was surely thinking about what lay beyond that.

That was why I wouldn’t say anything myself. If he asked me, I would simply give him my answer.

"That was a little unexpected."

"Why?"

Takenaka nodded thoughtfully.

"Well, um, I thought Kawasegawa-senpai was the type who would take the lead and say, ‘Let’s do this!’ I figured you and Paisen were like two wheels on the same cart."

That’s true, I used to be like that. But not anymore.

I think things have changed.

Over these past two years, I learned that my talent, my thinking—everything—had its limits and its walls. And I came to understand what lay beyond them as well.

Besides, the scenery I wanted to see no longer had to be opened up by my own hands. There was a certain action monster who would surely charge ahead and take the lead, and I had come to feel that what suited me best was supporting him from behind.

"Well, if you mean wanting to make something together again, that might be true, Nanako."

"Yeah. I don’t know what it would be, but whatever Kyoya tries to make, I’m sure it’ll be interesting, and I think I’d like to be part of it~."

Nanako agreed with that as well.

"Exactly, exactly! That’s right!"

After listening to us, Takenaka nodded vigorously.

"I want to see another work from that ultra-luxurious Platinum Team!"

Now that was quite a grand label. Well, at least it sounded better than calling it Diamond Team.

"Platinum, huh... I guess so."

For Shinoaki, Nanako, and Tsurayuki, a word like that might actually suit them.

Am I——still, even now, able to remain a creator? It was the sort of thing Hashiba would probably scold me for saying, but at the moment, I couldn’t answer that question with certainty.

(Maybe I should find some time and talk to him about it.)

What Takenaka had said earlier—that she quit because she couldn’t become the best.

It had struck me more deeply than I had expected.

Creators are the sort of people who, at some point, have to decide where they belong. If you let yourself be swept away by glittering words like “Believe in yourself and keep creating”, you can end up trapped by that spell for the rest of your life.

And yet, almost no one else will make that decision for you. Most creators end up cutting themselves down on their own. A world where someone kindly tells you, “You don’t have the talent for this, so do something else instead”, is a gentle fantasy.

The gods of creation are cruel. This is also a world where, at times, effort is not rewarded at all.

It’s entirely possible for a genius who suddenly appears out of nowhere to take everything away from someone who has spent years steadily working at it. That’s what makes this different from the world of craftsmen, where experience and time carry weight.

No, even in the world of craftsmen, there are people who can master in a single year what normally takes five. It’s unfortunate, but talent unquestionably exists as a stat.

My strength had always been that I could do a little bit of everything. Because I understood each part of the process, I thought I was well suited to directing and production.

But in reality, I came to realize that that level of “knowledge” is something anyone can acquire with enough experience. Only the superhumans who can effortlessly combine ideas with other ideas and overcome the difficulties of turning them into actual creations are able to dominate this world.

The day came when I, too, understood that. No, perhaps it’s because I came to understand it that I feel there is no further place for me to go.

(Maybe I should be grateful that I get to remain human.)

Watching Nanako and Takenaka happily chatting and laughing in front of me, and thinking of Shinoaki, I let out a wry smile to myself.

——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———

Part 5

The morning of the third day after arriving at Shinoaki’s family home.

Apparently, Yuu-kun had to go to school that day, so he was the only one who finished breakfast early.

"...Well then, I’m off."

"Yeah, be careful."

Seen off by Jin-san, Yuu-kun got on his bicycle and headed east. The high school he attended was apparently about seven kilometers from here.

"Has he always commuted by bicycle?"

"Yes. Whether it’s raining or snowing, he works hard and makes the trip every day."

"He~e..."

I was the type who had elementary school, middle school, and high school all within walking distance of home, so the very idea of a long commute seemed impressive to me.

(Once you become a university student, your sense of time suddenly shifts toward a nighttime schedule.)

Even so, first-period classes start early, so your daily schedule shouldn’t really be that different from a high school student’s. But because attendance becomes much less important, it feels like people let themselves relax a lot more.

"Well then, I’ll head out a little later too."

Shinoaki had plans to meet some friends from her high school days that day.

That meant I would be staying behind here by myself, but I had actually already decided what I was going to do.

"Are you really sure about this, Hashiba-kun? Having you help with cleaning the house and all."

That’s right. As a small token of thanks for letting me stay here, I had decided to help Jin-san with the house cleaning he had planned for today.

"You’ve been taking care of everything for me, from meals to lodging. If anything, this still isn’t enough."

In fact, they hadn’t let me pay for any of the food expenses so far, and if I didn’t do something, I’d feel so guilty I might die.

That was why, when the topic of cleaning came up during breakfast earlier, I immediately thought this was the only option and brought it up.

"Sorry, neither Yuu-kun nor I can help today, and yet we’re making Kyoya-kun do it."

Shinoaki also looked apologetic, but it was something I had volunteered for on my own.

"Well then, if I may take you up on your offer, would it be alright to ask you to help with some heavy lifting?"

At Jin-san’s suggestion, I readily replied, “Yes.”