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Chapter 4 | It was an Undesirable Result | Remake our Life!
Part 8
With nowhere to go, I was walking.
If I wanted to go back, it was time to go back to the company, but I didn't feel like it.
I finally spoke with Executive Director Matsuhira. It wasn't one-sided like the previous ones, but I finally got to talk to him for who he really is.
But as he said, it was all too late.
The cherished project was cancelled, and although the company would continue, Kawasegawa and Kuroda would no longer have any will left to continue.
It was the same for me. I had said something great to Matsuhira, but I could not give him a concrete answer to the question of what I was going to do. I had the true feeling that I would not give up, but I did not know how to make that happen.
I got off the train at Shinjuku, as was my routine. Just as I was about to transfer to the Odakyu train, my attention suddenly turned in a different direction.
"Maybe I should take a detour for a little while."
Shinjuku is both a business district and an entertainment district. In such a town, almost all kinds of entertainment are available, and there is a good selection of otaku stores.
I walked out of the west exit and headed for a branch of a store with its main branch in Akihabara. Amidst the glittering array of goods, I wandered around aimlessly.
(I was hoping for something, but nothing in particular...I guess?)
If you have a hard time making something, you can always touch a great piece of work. I always use it as a prescription for myself. So on this particular day, I stopped by the store, thinking that there might be something to be found there.
However, so far, nothing has helped that purpose. The surroundings seem somewhat dull. I should have finally arrived in a sunny, longed-for industry. I wandered around the store like a monk on a journey in search of sutras.
When I got to the area where the bookshelves were lined up, I noticed a familiar pattern.
"Ah, I see...it's been released."
One book was displayed in a large size as if occupying all the corners of the bookshelf.
A new collection of illustrations by Akishima Shino.
I had heard that the release had been delayed a bit, but it seemed that it had finally been released.
The book had a clear file attached to it, covering the cover, as a store bonus. This is a common specification, but I was somewhat curious about the cover, so I was looking for one without the bonus.
Along the way, I noticed.
(Which reminds me, that cover)
An illustration that asked for my opinion while she was in the process of creating a rough draft. I remember not being able to give a good answer, and regretting not having said anything else.
It came back suddenly.
"I guess I should stop staring at it."
Gently, I tried to put back the art book I had taken out,
"Ah."
My hand went crazy and I put it down with the cover facing away from me.
As expected, it caught my eye, and I witnessed it with my own eyes.
For a moment, I thought the wind was blowing and the sun was shining.
The vivid colors. The touch that has encouraged and inspired me so many times, the lines that gently ease my mind, yet powerfully enter my eyes.
Without a second thought, I picked it up again. Holding it firmly in both hands, I took the cover, firmly, into my own eyes.
"—This is"
It was a spring scene.
A beautiful sky was drawn. There was a girl smiling.
But the illustration was not the rough one I had seen before.
"No background"
The sky depicted was composed of a gradient that was erased in white from the middle of the image, so that the illustration of the girl would appear larger.
That advice I gave her. I don't know if it was put to good use or not.
But, indeed, what I had said at that time was clearly expressed on this cover. I thought it was meaningless advice, but here it is, alive and well.
"She ... listened to me."
In that short time, and with someone like me. I was deeply grateful to her for receiving my words and using them to express it.
As I was looking at the cover in a daze, still impressed, I suddenly heard a notification sound.
I hurriedly took out my smartphone and it was from an SNS app.
(Eh, I wonder who it is?)
To make it easier for me to respond to any issues, I had three accounts set up to receive notifications when something was tweeted from the three Platinum members.
But they seldom tweeted, and no one tweeted anything, especially recently, partly because of the CloDes situation.
When I looked, I saw that Shinoaki had tweeted. It seemed to be an image.
(I wonder if it was an announcement for an art book)
Indeed, if that's the case, I can understand why she's tweeting after such a long time.
After a few moments, the image opened. At the same time, the attached hashtag also appeared.
"Eh..."
It was an original illustration that had nothing to do with the art book.
The background is a clear blue sky. There you can see a man's back.
Where is he looking, the sky or where he is going? I can't tell from that pose alone.
But the message was clear.
.
#Hang in there
.
Those words and the man's hairstyle.
I crouched down and looked at the illustration again.
This is me.
These words were meant for me.
It was simple and there was no name on it, so it was not definite. However, I understood that it was a yell from Shinoaki.
"It wasn't pointlessness."
Perhaps there is no such thing as pointlessness in this world.
Everything has meaning and is connected.
Words, actions, everything.
I picked up the art book, as well as some other manga, light novels, and games. I gathered whatever I was interested in at random and paid the bill.
Right now, I just wanted to immerse myself in the greatness of creation.
seireitranslations.blogspot.com
Part 9
"......Ah."
When I woke up, it was already noon. Around my bed was a pile of books I had bought yesterday, all of which had marks where they had been opened.
"It was interesting ...... That's awesome, everyone."
Each of these books has its own drama, all of them created by the creator, and there is drama in what they have created. Just thinking about that was very exciting.
"Oops, smartphone."
I rummaged around under my pillow to check, and sure enough, there were several calls. It was the first time I had been late without notice, and the first time I had woken up in the middle of the day.
"Kawasegawa, Kawasegawa, Sakurai-san, and Takenaka-san ... I see."
Today was the usual day of stream.
But we only had one thing left to stream.
"..............."
I thought about it a little. What could I do today?
What I will do after there is nothing left?
"I see, that's right."
I called Takenaka-san for the time being.
"Ah, Hashiba-san! I wanted to contact you, where are you now?"
"At home. I was sleeping."
"Homee!? You're kidding, is Hashiba-san such a wild person? Because it's a weekday afternoon, and during working hours! You're the one in charge!"
I was pleasantly surprised by the 10 replies I received when I said 1.
(Maybe if the world lines were different, I could have done something more interesting with this person.)
Putting aside my fantasies, I said what I had decided to say after clearing my throat.
"Takenaka-san"
"Y-Yes!"
"Today, it's streaming, right?"
"Ah, yes! I heard about the development. You're going to announce that, aren't you...?"
As one would expect, she sounded disheartened.
"But I have something more important to talk about. So please save about 1.5 times the time than usual."
"Eh, w-what's there to talk about?"
"It's a secret. Later."
I hung up the call and watched the situation. Sure enough, a barrage of messages and stamps popped up, and her log became all the more lively.
"Okay, well, one more call."
I pressed a group that had only the 13th department in it, looked for the squirrel illustration, and made a call.
"Ah, Hashiba-san! Where are you? Everyone has been worried and has been trying to contact you since a while ago."
"Sakurai-san, the thing I told you the other day I wanted you to prepare, is it ready yet?"
I could almost visualize the puzzled look on the other side of the phone.
"Ah, y-yes, it's done, but..."
"Then please have them ready for me. I'm going to come to the office now."
"Eh, um, wait Hashiba-san!"
I hung up the phone and got dressed.
"Thank you so much, guys."
I really appreciate everyone's concern for this kind of me.
"Then I guess I'll go to my last job."
seireitranslations.blogspot.com
Part 10
As soon as I arrived at the office, I went to Kawasegawa to report.
She turned her worried eyes towards me,
"Thank goodness ... you came. I thought you weren't even coming to the office anymore."
"You, you said, could it be"
Kawasegawa nodded,
"Kuroda wants to take a leave of absence for a while ...... When I came to the office today, all I found was the application form."
"......I see."
When the president called us for a talk, Kuroda was still feeling quite composed. Perhaps he himself has a lot of things he just can't swallow.
Having said that, the same is true for Kawasegawa. Even though we changed the company to make the game, we have once again been hit with a terrible mix-up.
"Kawasegawa, are you ...... okay?"
I asked her, and she smiled sadly,
"When I left my previous company, I guess I was too used to despair and that sort of thing. I didn't even cry, even though I went through such a terrible experience. Instead, I'm more concerned about whether or not everyone can continue to work."
She got up from her chair and looked around the entire floor.
Today, many people are still working in the development department. Although the game development itself has been cancelled, everyone has to make a living.
"Maybe I've lost sight of what it means to create things. Ever since college, that's all I've thought about in my life, but the harder I worked, the more I thought about things differently than in the workplace."
Kawasegawa swore she would never cry. So on that day of MysClo announcement, she did not cry anymore. But maybe that is not because she has become stronger, but because she has changed the way she looks at things.
(It's so different from the last time, isn't it.)
When the development of MysClo was frozen, I was just thinking straight about how to make it.
But now it was different. I, Kawasegawa, Kuroda, and everyone else had started thinking from the stage of what we were going to do.
We are at the crossroads again. After all, we have to decide where to go, dragging our tattered bodies after a battle in which there was no winner.
"Today is streaming day. What are you going to do? Although you can rest......"
I shook my head,
"No, I'll do it. Because there's something I need to say."
I paused.
"Announcing the cancellation. I was planning to announce it during today's stream."
When I said this, Kawasegawa looked surprised and remained tight-lipped.
"Are you going to say it alone?"
"Yeah, it's easier for me to say. Besides,..."
"Besides?"
Kawasegawa had a "What more?" look on her face.
"Because there's a reason I'm the only one who needs to say it."
seireitranslations.blogspot.com
Part 11
Before I started preparing for Nico Live, I was on social media for the first time in a while.
It was to make an announcement about today's streaming from the official account, which had not been operated since the uproar of that day.
When I tweeted, it was immediately flooded with reactions. Many of them expressed ridicule, aggravation, and concern in connection with the release of MysClo.
"When I'm working online, I feel a little despair."
While preparing for the stream, Takenaka spoke softly.
"News that is interesting, fun, or congratulatory spreads for a moment, but it doesn't grow to that extent. The news that grows is the one that looks at the misfortune or bad luck of a person or company from a safe distance."
She takes a deep breath and smiles wryly.
"But I'm just as guilty because I do it because I think it's the kind of thing I'd like to receive. I think the comment section will probably be rough today, too. To be honest, I don't want ...... Hashiba to be in such a situation."
"Takenaka-san"
"Are you sure you're going to come out by yourself? If you need me, please call me anytime. I'll come out right away."
Takenaka-san looked like she was about to cry a little. She was such a lively girl, so I was very sad about it.
"Thank you very much. But it's okay. Don't worry."
From the beginning, I knew that today's stream was not going to be a peaceful one. But because it was such an occasion, I wanted to convey my message properly and alone.
"Here, we are ready. You can start anytime."
".......I get it! It's okay here, as scheduled, we will start at 20 o'clock!"
With Takenaka-san's energetic voice, an image of preparations for streaming was displayed. Comments flowed and listeners on standby began to move. The count showing the number of viewers began to turn around significantly.
And it was time.
"It's 20:00. It's time for the regular stream on the BCC channel. Today's broadcast will be different from the usual one, and it will be just me, Hashiba."
A storm of comments immediately followed.
Takenaka-san was, of course, a popular figure in this stream. So most people regretted it, but some of them sensed the discomfort and began to wonder if there was going to be some kind of announcement after all.
"I have something important to talk about today."
Immediately, the screen was flooded with even more comments than before.
Most of them said that the development was cancelled after all and the team was disbanded.
As if to avoid those comments, I decided to wait until the mountain comments had subsided a little,
"We have decided to discontinue development of Clockwork Destiny. We deeply apologize to everyone who has been looking forward to the game."
I took a deep breath and said. Then I bowed my head.
The screen was full of people screaming. Perhaps the timelines of social networking sites were also in a state of chaos.
The occasional comment from some users who are probably truly regretful brings tears to my eyes. No, there are plenty of cases where people who ostensibly write encouraging comments are actually feeling sorry for themselves.
The reality of the discontinuation of development is extremely heavy. Because when it comes to games, everything stops there.
The scenario, the graphics, the music, and everything that was prepared will never be shown again, with some exceptions.
Keeping that in mind once again, I conveyed the official information.
"............ That is all. Please refer to the official website for the explanation of this event as well."
The official version of the event was all but over. I took a breath and looked around the studio.
Because today was a special day, several members of the Development Department, including Kawasegawa, were here, off camera. Perhaps even those who are not here are watching on their own computers or on their own smart phones.
After a moment of silence, I slowly opened my mouth.
"From here on out, this is no longer an official company matter. It is my — personal story. Please listen only if you are willing to listen."
Many things, I recalled.
There is nothing more sad than to say that one's life is boring. However, looking back, my life so far has been more boring than most.
"This may be a bit of a self-story, but ever since I was a child, I was a person with no particular characteristics."
I was average in school, sports, and fun. If I had to venture a guess, I would say that I was often forced to take advantage of my simple personality and take on the role of summarizing things.
There was no such thing as ups and downs in Hashiba Kyoya's life.
But I didn't think that was strange. Because it was average. I thought that if I was average, I could live as average.
"When I was graduating from high school, for the first time in my life, I had doubts. I wondered if it was okay to continue living as I was. I wondered if it was okay to live a life where nothing moves."
I thought about what I wanted to do. There was one thing that was special.
Video games, animation, novels, and manga. Admiration and fondness for the entertainment industry. A world where you can say you love it from the front, not from far away.
Only when I was in touch with them was I special. They were the only way for me to escape from my daily life where nothing happened. They were the doorway to another world.
I longed for it. But when I was little, it never occurred to me that I might be the one to create it.
But maybe. I might be able to go there, too. The small question that arose in the depths of my heart gradually made my blurry dream clearer and clearer.
How can I get there? There is no way a mere high school student can work there. If only I could develop some skills before that.
"That's when I finally started to think seriously about choosing a college."
The school was in a rural area, but luckily I had all the information I needed about universities. In addition to the general universities, I decided to include a university that I had not considered at all before in my list of candidates.
University of the Arts.
A university where I would specialize in a world that I had been touched by only a little during my art and music hours. Reading through the pamphlet, this longing became even stronger.
And I took the entrance exam. I applied to the University of the Arts as well as the University of General Studies.
"Results. I was accepted. I thought I was far away from that art college."
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Kawasegawa looked a little surprised. I had not told anyone about this story, so it was understandable that she was surprised.
"I was surprised. I had thought that only selected people could go there, but I, an ordinary person, had been accepted. For the first time, I thought to myself, "Maybe I have some potential". But—"
The average way of life I had been accustomed to up to that point in my life. I felt an inexpressible fear of stepping out of it.
"I didn't go there, in the end. I chose a regular college."
I had a chance to get out, but in the end I went back to the ordinary path.
"I enjoyed my college life there and made friends. But it is only now that I think about it. Living a life with a half-hearted desire for a dream is ... very, very hard."
The company I joined simply because it was easy to get into did not last long, and the store I joined just to get a little experience in the industry, and the bishojo game maker I joined through that connection, both ended in half-hearted ways.
It was over, I thought.
"At that time, I was fortunate enough to join Succeed."
I had entered the company of my dreams, and this time I would be able to do manufacturing to the best of my ability. But a cruel reality awaited me.
"But it didn't work very well. Again, I was frustrated and almost gave up on making games."
I saw a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that I didn't want to see. I experienced things like behind-the-scenes stuff. This world, which I thought of more purely, was still the same as any other world.
"There were so many things that I was sick of. There were times when I threw it all away and took a day off from work to go have fun. But..."
Still, I couldn't give up on the game in the end.
Even if the company changed or what we made changed, I still couldn't give up.
Because I believed in the power they had.
"Even an ordinary person like me can fill a void in someone's life or support them when they are on the verge of collapse by creating something and putting it out into the world. Now that I understand that, I have the slightest intention of quitting."
I felt my voice getting a little louder.
"I love creating things. No matter that I get through something terrible, I just can't stop."
The works that helped me when I was having a hard time.
It circulates and leads to the next and the next. If we deny this, what will people live off of?
As long as you have food, clothing, and shelter, you can just live. But livelihood is not possible. In order to live today and tomorrow with vitality, we must read, listen to, and confirm the existence of what people have left behind.
"There is a belief that entertainment is something that comes last in demand after everything has been fulfilled. I agree. Things like this are essentially unneeded."
But those unneeded things,
"Because it's something I don't need...I can't stop loving it."
People go crazy.
"This helpless, unneeded thing heals and fills us up when we are imperfect. I fell in love with making games because I realized that."
Joy, sadness, hatred, anger, ego, and prayers for peace on earth, making things encompasses everything.
"But now I have lost the work I was making. But..."
So I cut off my words for a moment and pulled over the PC in my hand.
I signaled to Takenaka-san with my eyes, and she nodded, then wiped to the streaming screen, displaying a small panel right next to me.
"Right now, our company is working on a project called Project Grape. Compared to CloDes, it is a small-scale project with less than a tenth of the funds involved. But I believe that there is a lot of creative potential here."
The materials prepared by Sakurai-san are put out on the streaming screen.
Backup for creators, effective use of materials, and exchange among creators.
I explained what I had envisioned in the first part at that time, as if to unravel it.
"See? It's okay right. We won't cancel this event, so please feel free to participate."
The comments section has calmed down a little. I looked at it and said,
"And...I'm also quitting the company at the end of this stream today."
I could see that Kawasegawa opened her mouth trying to say something. Takenaka-san, too, looked surprised. The comment of surprise also flowed out.
"Because I was able to do what I wanted to do."
I held up a tattered proposal. It's that plan that Sakurai-san showed me.
If I had to do this, I would quit my job. I decided to get on board with the project she had said so. So I decided to quit, too.
"I will make a game. Nothing has been decided yet, I don't know where and how to make it, and I am the only staff member. But"
I smiled bitterly,
"But it's ...... interesting at best. I don't know when it will be ready, but when it is, I want to be the first to let you all know. So please wait and see. However"
On the streaming screen, I put out the ticker I had made.
"Release date undecided, price undecided, title undecided, and staff undecided."
The comments section was filled with laughter.
Yes, I came to today's announcement with no plans at all, just the will to create. I had no plans at all, and had not decided on what to make or who to be a member of the project.
It's like the old internet copy-and-paste band flyers that say, "We're P, and we need all the help we can get". There's nothing there but a preoccupied passion.
But it's okay.
It will not stop making it. It doesn't matter how great a power pressures me, how much blame I put on my ego, or what I've been through.
I will never give up the game again.
"That's all I have to say. Thank y......"
As I was about to bow my head, I noticed a notification on my smartphone, a message from RINE. I quickly operate it with my hand to check the contents, trying to keep it off the screen.
Three messages were received.
I was about to cry again. But I held back.
Instead, I made a final announcement to everyone.
"Etto... The staff was undecided, but it seems that only the illustrations, scenario, and music have been decided. Details will be announced at a later date—"
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