Chapter 3 | Touched, Changed | Remake our Life!
Before consulting Kawasegawa, I looked back on what had happened to me recently.
In the workspace at the share house, there was a large digital timer.
The idea was to have it ring at regular intervals so we wouldn't waste time unnecessarily.
However, it was only helpful when I was absorbed in my work; otherwise, the timer would put me through hell again and again.
And right now was exactly one of those times.
"D*mn it, has another hour already passed?"
I roughly stopped the timer that kept beeping, beep, beep, beep. When I checked the time on my cell phone, it was just a little past ten o'clock.
"Haah... What am I even supposed to say?"
As I hung my head, my cell phone started ringing. I knew who it was without even looking at the screen.
"Good work. This is Fujiwara from Gakuokan."
In response to the calm voice, I answered in a voice that sounded as composed as I could manage.
"Good work... I'm sorry, it's still not finished."
"I see. How much more time do you think you'll need?"
His voice was calm once again.
My editor, Fujiwara-san, was not the type of person to corner me or use harsh words because I hadn't finished writing or because there was something wrong with the manuscript.
But that was exactly why his calm words hit me so hard. I was always thinking that I had to do something about it, and I intended to put in as much effort as I could.
But I wasn't able to meet that expectation at the moment. The plot for volume 2 was still not finished.
"Tomorrow... no, please wait until the end of this week. I'll make sure I can submit it by then."
To be honest, I wasn't even sure I could keep that promise, but I knew that, with the deadline already long past, even that was a dangerously tight schedule.
"Understood. But this will be the real deadline, so please make sure you meet it."
"Yes, I'm sorry."
Fujiwara-san then confirmed the exact submission time and explained that if the outline was approved, the time left for writing the manuscript would be extremely limited.
Honestly, once I started writing, I considered the hard part over. What I always struggled with was the outlining, while writing the actual manuscript wasn't that much of a burden. I had struggled with the manuscript for Volume 1 as well, but I had already found a solution to that problem myself.
(But that's exactly what I still can't figure out...)
It was a problem I had to solve sooner or later if I wanted to think about the future.
"Kawagoe-san, may I have a moment to talk with you?"
"Eh? Yes, what is it?
The sudden question caught me off guard.
Fujiwara-san never made small talk outside of meetings. I preferred it that way too, so I had no complaints.
But whenever he did start a conversation like this, it was only because something truly important had come up. In other words, the fact that he was talking to me now was proof that the situation had become an emergency.
"I know you've been struggling quite a bit with the outline, but there's something that's been on my mind."
"...Yes."
"When it came to Volume 1, I thought you were fairly good at putting everything together. But with Volume 2, that ability suddenly seems to have disappeared. If there's a reason for that, I'd like you to tell me."
A chill ran down my spine.
He had completely seen through the fact that Kyoya had been helping me.
"I'm sorry. I had a friend look it over and give me advice... This time, I haven't done that yet, so that's the difference."
There was no point trying to cover it up, so I answered honestly.
"I see... That was what I expected."
So he had even figured out the reason.
"But I realized I couldn't keep relying on that from Volume 2 onward. I want to be able to do it on my own, so that's what I'm working on now. I'll do my best to make it work..."
I was aware that this was the problem myself.
That was exactly why I was trying to find a way to do it without relying on Kyoya.
"I don't want there to be any misunderstanding, but I have no intention of criticizing the use of a collaborator. In fact, there are authors who write jointly, and as long as the final manuscript maintains its quality, we don't dictate the process."
"Yes, that's... what I was told."
I had been told that when my debut as an author was decided. That's why I had asked Kyoya to help me.
"What concerns me is changing that style midway through the series. Even if it's the same work, if the quality or writing style starts to differ, then it fails as a commercial product."
He even gave me several examples of works that had turned out that way. As far as I could remember, there were indeed some that had been criticized for their writing style changing partway through.
(So that's what it means...)
If there was actual evidence of that happening, then it was only natural for the publisher to be concerned.
"So, if the friend who's been helping you is willing to continue working with you from now on as well, then I think you should continue asking for their help."
That was exactly the issue. It was because I didn't think I could keep asking him indefinitely that I had stopped bringing it up with Kyoya.
"I can't keep relying on him forever. That's why I'll find a way to manage on my own. I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble."
"Understood. Then I look forward to receiving it by the end of the week."
The call with Fujiwara-san ended. I tossed my cell phone onto the bed and slumped back in my chair in a daze.
I was at the edge of the cliff. There probably wouldn't be any more waiting, and I had to make up my mind too.
But at this point, it wasn't as if I had some groundbreaking way to solve the problem. All I could do was keep racking my brain and thinking.
"Without relying on Kyoya, huh?"
I had always respected him. I also knew that he genuinely cared about me.
If I were to honestly tell him about the trouble I was in, I'm sure he'd make time for me and seriously think it through for my sake.
"But... I can't do that anymore."
We had already started walking down different paths. The next time we came together, it would be to bring our own work as professionals and produce something of an even higher level.
No one had explicitly decided that, but at least that was how I felt, and I was sure they all felt the same way.
That's why I couldn't trouble him with something like this.
Yes, I swore to myself, but.
"What am I supposed to do, I——"
I could picture myself reaching the weekend without writing a single more character, suffering even more than I was now. I could still overturn that miserable future I saw ahead.
But another part of me insisted that wasn't the right answer.
I had no idea which choice was the right one.
I picked up the phone I had tossed aside.
"...Maybe I'll ask"
That said, there was no way I could ask Kyoya.
Instead, the person I called was the one who, more than anyone else, was sure to have the calmest answer to this situation.
——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———
Part 7
"...And that's the whole story."
"I see. I understand the situation you're in now."
Even with such an outrageous thing for me to ask, Kawasegawa listened and responded sincerely.
"Sorry. I feel bad for dumping something this heavy on you out of nowhere."
"Seriously. You and Hashiba both seem to think I'm some kind of Yahoo! Chiebukuro, don't you?"
I wouldn't go so far as to call you a Yahoo! Chiebukuro, but I do know I can rely on you.
In fact, among everyone in our year, I thought the only people who could look at creative work objectively were Kyoya, Kuroda, and Kawasegawa. I had no doubt that Nanako and Shinoaki were excellent creators too, but it was true that they tended to be more subjective.
That was why, even though I felt guilty about it, I contacted her.
"Hashiba is so capable that once you start relying on him, it's hard to stop."
"Yeah, that's exactly right."
"That's one of the reasons I try not to rely on him. Once we've clearly divided our areas of responsibility, I make sure not to depend on him beyond that. Otherwise, before you know it, you end up relying on him for this and that, and in the end, there's nothing left that's truly your own."
Everything stung because it was true.
"So maybe it's a good thing you have a chance to rethink it now. This isn't just about this light novel; it'll affect how you handle things going forward, too."
"You're right. I don't intend to keep dragging this out. That said, there's still the option of formally bringing him on as a collaborator."
I could pay him and have Kyoya join my light novel as a member of the staff.
It wasn't an impossible idea.
"True. As long as it's not prohibited."
She didn't dismiss the idea.
"So, with that in mind, I'd like to hear your opinion, Kawasegawa."
With desperation in my voice, I asked the question, and Kawasegawa answered without hesitation.
"If we're assuming that you're the one who's going to write it, then the answer is obvious."
"The answer is obvious, huh."
I hadn't expected her to say it with such certainty.
But this was Kawasegawa. If she said so, then she was probably right.
"Could you tell me the answer and the reason?"
——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———
Part 8
The day after my part-time job at Succeed Soft, I was waiting in the share house living room to have a meeting with Tsurayuki.
Since all I had to do was come downstairs from the second floor, I arrived almost instantly, but Tsurayuki had to walk from his home, so he showed up just before the meeting time.
"Sorry. Well then, shall we get started?"
"Mm. I've already gone through the plot."
He had given me the plot for volume two beforehand. The plan was for me to give my thoughts on it first, then suggest ways to improve it.
"First, my thoughts after reading it..."
Tsurayuki's plot had a lot of interesting scenes, but they were too scattered, leaving the whole thing feeling unfocused.
Organizing the main points and picking out the episodes that were truly necessary. I believed that doing this properly would make the interesting ideas stand out more, so I had brought some suggestions for that.
"So, I think it needs some organizing."
When I told him that, Tsurayuki replied,
"Yeah, my editor said the same thing. As expected of you, Kyoya."
Hearing that I had noticed the same points as a professional editor made me feel relieved for the time being.
"I'm glad I didn't point out something completely off the mark. Well then..."
Just as I pulled out the documents I had prepared and was about to explain my suggestions for improvement,
"H-Hold on a second?"
"Eh?"
Tsurayuki suddenly stopped me.
"What's wrong? Was there something else you wanted to talk about?"
At least, I thought we had already covered everything we needed for the meeting...
"No, it's not about you, Kyoya. It's just that... I feel really bad about it, and after thinking about it a lot."
Looking more flustered than usual, Tsurayuki finished speaking and exhaled deeply,
"I want to become someone who can manage without relying on you, Kyoya."
With a look of resolve, Tsurayuki said those words.
"When you say 'without relying on me,' do you mean... not listening to my advice?"
When I asked him that, Tsurayuki nodded, "Yeah."
"I've been thinking about this for a long time. I'm hopeless when it comes to the things I'm not good at, so I've always been bothered by how completely I've been relying on you."
Tsurayuki began to speak as if a dam had burst.
He told me how work on volume two had been far from going smoothly for quite some time. The harder he tried to make up for it, the less progress he made. His editor had pointed out his weaknesses, and then,
"I talked to Kawasegawa about it. I asked her, 'I'm struggling with this. What do you think?' And then..."
"I bet she gave you a straightforward answer. That you should learn to stand on your own instead of relying on others."
Tsurayuki let out a wry smile.
"As expected of you. That's exactly what she said."
Just as I had expected, Kawasegawa's advice was direct.
"She was blunt. She said, 'You're deeply attached to your own work. Even when it needs revisions, you're the type who would rather make the changes yourself than let someone else touch it. That's why, no matter how much you trust Hashiba—or anyone else, for that matter—if you let another person get involved, I'm sure the day will come when you'll regret it."
The way she built her argument with the future in mind felt very much like Kawasegawa.
"I was the one who asked you to help me come up with ideas in the first place. And now, because of my own decision, I'm asking you to stop. I'm really sorry."
Tsurayuki paused there and looked at me.
"But unless I find a way to do this on my own, I don't think I'll be able to move forward. To be honest, I want to rely on you, Kyoya. But..."
"I understand, Tsurayuki."
I spoke up while Tsurayuki was speaking with a pained expression.
"You know, I've always thought that someday I'd have to talk about this too."
"You mean... about me becoming independent?"
"Mm", I nodded,
"I never thought we could keep making things this way forever. But as long as you still needed me, Tsurayuki, I thought maybe it was okay. Now that you've said it yourself..."
Then there was no longer any reason for me to hesitate.
"I'll be cheering for you. It won't be easy, but do your best."
"Kyoya..."
Tsurayuki closed his eyes for a brief moment,
"Thank you."
He gave a firm nod.
"Mm..."
I had always thought this day would come, and that it had to come someday. It may sound selfish, but I was happy that he needed me, and it's true that part of me wanted to keep that relationship going.
But if things stayed that way, he would never be able to move on to the next stage. In the end, he would never break away from the relationship we had when we were making doujin games.
I think it was a good thing that Tsurayuki was the one who brought it up.
Making that decision himself, rather than having someone else tell him, would help him come to terms with it more completely.
Nanako had already turned her eyes toward a different path and started walking forward.
Now, that time had come for Tsurayuki as well.
Originally, the time for us to part ways should have come the moment they chose to become professionals. Even so, all of us still had a little lingering attachment.
Creating things together with friends and enjoying it. That way of doing things was about to change completely.
(This time, it really is the moment.)
The end comes much more suddenly than you think. I was finally understanding the meaning of those words people often say.
Rokuonji Tsurayuki would become Kawagoe Kyoichi. Today was the day that marked that change.
(Goodbye, Tsurayuki)
I whispered those words in my heart.
——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———
Part 9
As a final parting gift, I gave Tsurayuki a few pieces of advice. He had asked me for them himself, so I was sure he would make use of them in one way or another.
"I see. I think that's a good idea. It'll probably be easier to gradually fade out than to cut things off all at once."
Kawasegawa, whom I met at the university to give the souvenir, also took the decision positively.
Next to Building No. 3 was a place called Misora Plaza. We sat there and talked about what had been happening with each of us.
"How is it? Are you feeling sadder than you expected?"
"Mm, well... a little."
In reality, it was more than just a little.
I'm sure we'll work on something together again someday. But when that happens, we'll be working as one creator and one producer, in a relationship where neither of us depends on the other.
Even though this was what I had wanted, now that it had actually been decided, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was a hole in my heart.
"Well, it's not like you can accept something like this right away. I think you'll just have to get used to it little by little."
That was an unexpected thing for Kawasegawa to say.
"I thought you'd tell me to just get over it."
"I have feelings too, you know. Don't make fun of me."
She let out her usual "hmph," then continued,
"...Maybe I've changed a little too. Spending time with other people has made me much more sentimental."
"Do you regret changing like that?"
"If I did, I would have stopped seeing everyone a long time ago. You included."
Kawasegawa replied, sounding a little annoyed.
"I think coming here was worthwhile just because I learned how imperfect and fragile people really are."
I felt the same way.
When I first came to this time, there were moments when I thought I'd have an advantage in all kinds of ways, and that I'd be able to excel at everything.
But reality was different. Even if I knew the future, there were still many things I couldn't do. A mere ten years' worth of experience wasn't enough to make that much of a difference.
And now, in my third year here, I find myself facing a difficult problem.
My experiences from the future were no longer even useful as a reference.
"It's about Shinoaki"
As I began to speak, Kawasegawa gave a small nod.
"I heard a little about it from her. She's going to change the way she works, isn't she?"
"Mm."
I told her what I had been thinking as well.
I told her that, for now, I wanted to put Shinoaki's health first. That I wanted to find a way for her to keep working while staying at a manageable pace.
"I don't object. If you're the one saying that after being by her side the whole time, then I think it's the right decision, and I don't think it's wrong. But..."
She paused and looked straight at me.
"Let me tell you this first."
She had a serious expression.
"When it comes to Shinoaki, don't carry more than you have to. You already tend to think that everything is your fault."
"Mm, I know... I know."
Because I was the one in that other future who had broken down because of it.
I didn't want Kawasegawa to go through that sadness again like she had back then. I didn't want to make her worry either.
And I wanted Shinoaki to be happy somehow, too.
"The rough draft for the cover illustration of the next light novel volume should be ready soon."
It would be the first task since changing the way we worked.
"I see. Then that should give you a good idea of the current situation."
She let out a quiet sigh and stood up.
"Listen. No matter what happens, talk to someone before you let it consume you. More people care about you than you realize. So don't ever think that it's okay if you're the only one who ends up breaking down."
Her words were harsh, but the way she said them was very gentle.
Fighting back the urge to cry,
"I promise. I'll be okay."
I replied, then stood up.
——— read on seireitranslations.blogspot.com ———
Part 10
The light novel with illustrations by Shinoaki sold well, and a sequel was quickly approved.
Her editor also contacted her, saying they wanted to begin preparations, including the rough drafts, as soon as possible, so she devoted herself to working on them.
At that point, Shinoaki changed the pace of her work.
She adjusted the time she spent on the rough drafts, the amount of effort she put into them, and her daily working hours so they were more manageable, making sure her schedule—including her studies and daily life—would not harm her health.
However, because of her old habit, she still tended to spend too much time at first, so I started setting alarms and managing her time so that I could keep her work under control.
The day came when the first result of this new way of working would be ready.
"Shinoaki, I'm coming in."
Right on schedule, I knocked on the door to her room.
From inside, I heard Shinoaki's voice say, "Yeah, come in~," and I stepped inside.
"Excuse me... Oh, your room is so much cleaner now."
I was a little surprised by how tidy Shinoaki's room had become.
"I've got more time now, so I can clean it too~"
Originally, I felt that there had been more times when Shinoaki's room was covered with reference materials and had become something of a chaotic den.
But perhaps because she now had both more time and more peace of mind, the condition of her room had improved as well.
"I've also started working during the day, and I sleep at night now?"
"Mm, somehow I'm living like a grandma now."
If it were Shinoaki, she'd surely become an adorable grandma.
(It really looks like her health has improved.)
Feeling relieved, I looked at the monitor Shinoaki was working on.
Several rough sketches were already displayed on the screen.
(...Eh)
The moment I saw them, my breath caught.
"I tried spending one day on each sketch while keeping to a time limit. One with a wide composition, one close-up, and one in between. Kyoya-kun said it would be better to have some variety, so I drew them like that. What do you think?"
Shinoaki's words brought me back to my senses,
"M-Mm, that's right. Could you send them to me by email? I want to take a proper look at them."
"Okay, I'll send them right away~."
With a smile, Shinoaki gathered the image files and sent them to me.
"So, what do you think? From your first impression, was there one you liked?"
"Right. Out of the ones you've shown so far, I think the close-up one was the best."
When I answered, Shinoaki nodded,
"Mm, I think that's the best one too."
"I see, so you feel the same way, Shinoaki."
I nodded as well,
"Then I'll send you a proper reply later, and after that, let's send it to the editor"
"Sounds good. I'll wait then."
Seeing me off with a smile, Shinoaki watched as I left the room.
As soon as I closed the door, I went into my own room. I quickly sat down in front of my PC, saved the images Shinoaki had sent me, and opened them.
I lined up all the images and looked through them.
Then, without thinking, I held my head in my hands.
"They're even more... ordinary than I expected."
The rough sketches Shinoaki had drawn were clearly ordinary, falling well within the bounds of what was familiar. If you picked up light novels from other publishers at random, you'd probably find covers with similar compositions—that was the only impression they gave.
Of course, her skill had improved dramatically compared to before. Looking at them now, there was no doubt that, by commercial standards, they were above average.
But that wasn't enough.
"At this rate, they won't become anything special."
There are many things an illustrator needs.
Matching current trends and meeting deadlines are, of course, obvious ones, but from my point of view, there was one thing that mattered more than anything else.
What mattered was that the artwork had to be irreplaceable.
Artwork that resembles someone else's, or has a style that feels like so-and-so, will find demand as long as that style is popular. But if it resembles someone else's work, it also means it can be replaced, and it's entirely possible for another artist with a similar style to take its place.
Shinoaki's art style itself wasn't anything out of the ordinary—it was fundamentally quite standard. However, elements such as her compositions and coloring were exceptionally original, and above all, the biggest reason she rose to the top was the “expressions” she drew.
A simple way to make a character look cute in an illustration is to draw the eyes large while keeping the nose and mouth as small as possible. In a sense, this has long been a fundamental principle of bishoujo illustrations and one of the key elements that have defined the genre. Once that became the viewers' preconceived standard, drawing the nose and mouth larger and more distinctively was said to make it harder to appeal to the mainstream.
It was Akishima Shino who broke through that gap. Her paintings of girls showcased the extraordinary feat of showing her cuteness while clearly expressing her tears, laughter, and anger at every moment.
But now, that very strength had clearly begun to rust.
Her compositions still had a bit of creativity to them, but they weren't particularly elaborate. Even if the finished illustrations would be elevated by the coloring, the expressive facial expressions that had once been her defining trait were nowhere to be seen in these rough sketches.
"What should I do? Is this really something I should tell her now?"
Shinoaki looked far healthier than before, and there was no doubt that her condition had improved significantly.
She had changed from a night owl to a morning person, and an environment where she could work more comfortably was gradually taking shape.
But the thing that mattered most, the actual results,
"Could they really change this much?"
It had faded enough that I noticed it immediately.
Kawasegawa's words—and Jin-san's—came back to me.
(Was it something that couldn't be born unless something was sacrificed......?)
I didn't want to believe that. There were plenty of creators who managed their time well and still produced works worthy of being called masterpieces.
I didn't want to believe Shinoaki couldn't do the same. But as things stood now, I couldn't say otherwise.
"I need to check the schedule."
As if suddenly realizing it, I opened the file containing the upcoming schedule.
Today, we will finalize the rough sketches and send them to the editor. They would probably come back quickly, and from there we'd move on to the line art and coloring. We had built in a one-day buffer for each stage in case of unexpected problems, so we still had some room to spare.
Redoing the rough sketches wasn't impossible.
"But it would put more strain on Shinoaki."
That's exactly what tightening the schedule would mean.
We had gone to her parents' house, talked things through, and made our decision. Was it really okay to overturn that decision at this very first stage? And even if we did, was it really okay to let Shinoaki's health go back to how it had been before?
Once again, I held my head in my hands.
My fingers tightened against my head. A pain shot through it, as though it were being bound by some kind of device, forcing me to reach a conclusion.
Eventually, my hands fell limply to my sides, and I typed on the keyboard.
[Let's send these rough sketches to the editor.]
After sending that message to Shinoaki, I closed the window.
I flopped onto the bed face down. There were so many things I needed to think about, yet nothing came to mind.
I knew it was a question with no answer.
I also understood what Kawasegawa had told me.
But seeing it with my own eyes still came as a shock.
I had thought I had gotten at least a little closer to the world of creativity. Yet I was only now realizing that it was still far beyond my reach.
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